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  • Will I am
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25 May 12 #332811 by Will I am
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Hi everyone, I need serious help!!

My wife came home after staying at her mums and said it wasn''t working and she wanted me to move out. After several arguments etc etc I thought for our sake and the sake of our two children iit might help. A month later moved out. I had a fling several years ago and she blamed her feelings on this and that she could not get over it and it never went away.

A month after I moved out she started taking the pill. I now know that she is seeing somebody else. I would have never have thought this as she has been the model partner. Currently I am buying a house and get to have my youngest 2-3 days/nights a week.

She thinks nobody (me and her family know she is seeing this guy and had I not found the contraception tablets I myself would not have believed it. However the things she has said all make sence now. I still don''t believe anything happened till I moved out but they certainly are now.

I want to know where I stand now, would I be wise to move back home and what legal rights do I have as we are still technically married and it didn''t take her long after I moved out to jump into bed with this other person.

She has stayed in the family home and I continue to pay the mortgage which is the equivilant of CSA payments. She doesn''t know I know about her lover and for now untill I get more evidence I''m happy to keep it that way.

Please somebody tell me what my next move should be??

  • dasherz
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25 May 12 #332813 by dasherz
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Your pride is hurt by her ability to move on. The manly think to do is think of your child. Your relationship is now with your child and your feelings for her MUST be a separate issue. In all the following dealings you have remember how your child will feel if they see what you do now, and one day they will, trust me. Will you be proud or ashamed of your actions? her contraception actions are not your business and to be honest I would be glad your ex is not currently complicating things with a new baby.

Your finacial issues I cannot comment on except to say this - when you make a baby you commit to it FOR LIFE, thats the deal with being a parent. Stand up and be the best parent you can and do not mix up your feelings for your ex with your child and think that you can hurt or change or manipulate yur ex by using your child. Its not right or moral.

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25 May 12 #332814 by Will I am
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Thanks my main focus is getting in my new house and being able to have both my girls stay with me as many times as possible a week. I have put my life on hold so I can concentrate on them. To be honest I would take over the main caring role for both my girls, and she can do what she wants. I know we have no chance of getting back together but I don''t know where I stand legally as I can see her trying to get as much out of me as possible yet two wrongs don''t make a right!! Should we end up in court would her actions be frowned upon or would it be me that is the bad guy?

  • hadenoughnow
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25 May 12 #332822 by hadenoughnow
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If I was your ex I would be pretty angry to discover you had been snooping around. Contraceptive pills aren''t something you usually leave out on display.
As far as her behaviour making any difference to any financial settlement goes, the answer is simple: it won''t. Finances are settled on the basis of needs and the available pot. The only possible relevance of her having a new partner would be if she cohabits because then her living costs would be shared.
As far as finances go, the first thing is to sort out the arrangements for the children so you can then prioritise needs and work out how it is all going to be paid for. Use mediation to help you sort things out if necessary.

Hadenoughnow

  • rubytuesday
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25 May 12 #332825 by rubytuesday
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Contraceptive pills are not "evidence" of her having a lover, as the pill is not always prescribed for contraceptive reasons, but for other gynecological reasons.

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