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What would YOU change if you could?

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15 Jul 09 #131565 by D L
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Asram wrote:

I also think it is essential that the Financial side of things HAVE to be sorted before the Decree Absolute can be granted


Just out of interested Asram, tell me why...

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15 Jul 09 #131571 by bettertimes
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mmm where to start

1. agree mediation should be compulsory where all parties have explained how divorce law works - to many misconceptions about what peeps end up with asset wise. Also if one party does not agree to mediation then divorce should be is harder to obtain- too easy for peeps to shirk their responsibility.

2.Costs on a scale on ability to pay - if you don't qualify for legal aid i.e me!!! then you pay the going rate which is a very high rate for a low earner. i pay more in an hour for my solicitor than i earn in a week!!

3. Think as well as mediation counselling should be encouraged and perhaps even a few compulsory sessions before divorce even considered. One it may save a marriage, two it may make things more amicable and three it may prevent some repeat patterns and hopefully lead to less marriage breakdowns. This should also be free and readily avilable. Had to wait months for an appointment in this area so went privately in the end. Didn't save the marriage but at least made sure we didn't screw our son up more than he is. Have to say more available conselling even if divorce inevitable may be better than having more solicitor involvement.


4. not sure if this exists but all solicitors to have to follow a code of practice in being concillatory in their actions. the amount of money i have wasted due to my stbx solicitor being agressive in their stance and no way near considering the matrominial act is disgusting.

5. I believe it is to easy for peeps to walk out on a marriage if the going gets tough and a lot fail to see actions have consequences. I think the mediation and counselling will be far better than trying to prove grounds which essentially could be complete fabrication

there endeth the rant hehe

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15 Jul 09 #131574 by bettertimes
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can i also mention that all peeps who have had affairs should be advised in counselling or mediation to make make sure they and their spouses and girlfriends are tested for stds. As my hubby who was supposedly an intelligent man gave me one and i ended up being tested for HIV was not nice to put it mildly. Yet i could tell the simple act of using a condom hadn't crossed his mind. the nurse even mentioned there should be a campaign for the over 40's not the under 25's with so many affairs occuring.

perhaps free condom samples in solicitors offices hehe:woohoo:

Or please supple sharp knives to carry out bobbet like prcedures h

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15 Jul 09 #131575 by asram
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DL

You are probably going to tell me that I was misguided but here goes.

As I said before my divorce came through within 7 months of my ex leaving. Here we are another 6 months down the line and the Financial side still isnt sorted.

We had to apply to the court to protect my pension rights before the absolute was granted. (My ex is military)

Well that is what I was told. You are going to tell me now that we could have stopped the Absolute going through arent you?

Asram

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15 Jul 09 #131576 by D L
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Bettertimes wrote:

1. agree mediation should be compulsory where all parties have explained how divorce law works - to many misconceptions about what peeps end up with asset wise. Also if one party does not agree to mediation then divorce should be is harder to obtain- too easy for peeps to shirk their responsibility.


I am loving that you all consider compulsory mediation a good way forward.

2.Costs on a scale on ability to pay - if you don't qualify for legal aid i.e me!!! then you pay the going rate which is a very high rate for a low earner. i pay more in an hour for my solicitor than i earn in a week!!


So if we widened the scope of legal aid, this would assist?

3. Think as well as mediation counselling should be encouraged and perhaps even a few compulsory sessions before divorce even considered. One it may save a marriage, two it may make things more amicable and three it may prevent some repeat patterns and hopefully lead to less marriage breakdowns. This should also be free and readily avilable. Had to wait months for an appointment in this area so went privately in the end. Didn't save the marriage but at least made sure we didn't screw our son up more than he is. Have to say more available conselling even if divorce inevitable may be better than having more solicitor involvement.


So if we ask in the short term for solicitors to try to encourage counseling, and in the longer term seek that this is adopted into law?

4. not sure if this exists but all solicitors to have to follow a code of practice in being concillatory in their actions. the amount of money i have wasted due to my stbx solicitor being agressive in their stance and no way near considering the matrominial act is disgusting.


It exists... but isn't mandatory :(.

5. I believe it is to easy for peeps to walk out on a marriage if the going gets tough and a lot fail to see actions have consequences. I think the mediation and counselling will be far better than trying to prove grounds which essentially could be complete fabrication


Totally agree.

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15 Jul 09 #131577 by asram
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I believe it is to easy for peeps to walk out on a marriage if the going gets tough and a lot fail to see actions have consequences. I think the mediation and counselling will be far better than trying to prove grounds which essentially could be complete fabrication

Here here....And a lot still fail to see those consequences! a year on....

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15 Jul 09 #131579 by D L
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Asram wrote:


You are probably going to tell me that I was misguided but here goes.

As I said before my divorce came through within 7 months of my ex leaving. Here we are another 6 months down the line and the Financial side still isnt sorted.

We had to apply to the court to protect my pension rights before the absolute was granted. (My ex is military)

Well that is what I was told. You are going to tell me now that we could have stopped the Absolute going through arent you?


I asked because I was interested in how you think that would assist hun. You can apply for the absolute to be held back until the AR is resolved, but it seems that judges are now less inclined to do so. Having had a client die midway through proceedings and seeing the mess that caused because the absolute had been granted it is my practice to ask that it not be applied for, and then I apply for it orally at the end of the AR, which most judges are happy to do (they simply swear in the petitioner and ask them the questions that are needed). However, there does need to be unified practice about it I agree.

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