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What would YOU change if you could?

  • mumtoboys
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20 Jul 09 #132683 by mumtoboys
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I would go with that Alchemist - I am not sure about lie detector tests, but certainly stiffer penalities for those who are found to be lying, and/or who deliberately hold proceedings up. I know this is going to be a huge issue for me and I can ill afford to be going backwards and forwards to court whilst he doesn't bother to show up.

  • Macey7
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20 Jul 09 #132685 by Macey7
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I'll agree with 'Itgetsbetter' about the nisi and absolute issue.

Only last week my stbx thought we were divorced until I explained to him that we've only got the nisi and I cant apply for the absolute until September. He obviously doesnt read the literature.

He seemed well peeved. I did make a joke about it all " so you'll have to wait if you're getting married again"



  • TRT
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20 Jul 09 #132689 by TRT
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They really should include a calendar of events in either the official document itself or in an accompanying letter.

Mine got the nisi in March, then got the absolute in May, read the 6 week thing on the absolute and wrote "Divorced!" on the calendar for a date in June.

And she was planning on sleeping with her new boyfriend, allegedly for the first time, that night. Obviously meant a lot to her, that she went and double checked what the court letter meant. The children would be out of the house, the boy was away with school, and the girl was coming over to my flat. I got phone calls from her for the rest of the week saying how ill she was feeling, then she admitted that he had dumped her the weekend before and called her 'repulsive' after seeing her naked.

She is very odd.

  • Weeme
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20 Jul 09 #132701 by Weeme
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I still think that prevention would be a lot easier and quicker than trying to 'cure' these on-going and costly problems. With regard to fiances -
An independent almost PI type unit staffed with people who know how to spot a fraud, a list of what is required from both sides and a set time limit so that if items are not forthcoming they cannot be included in the final presentation.
Some sort of special circumstances overrider to prevent one side rushing it through deliberately if the other has REAL reasons why they cannot supply info by due date and proof required.

Definately a calendar/flow chart would be useful too

  • YNK000
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20 Jul 09 #132794 by YNK000
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Good heavens!

Easy to be a nasty piece of work isn't it?

Traumatising and costly in many ways for the innocent ones.

Surely something can be done to improve the system that is in place.

Why are divorce rates so high?

Seems to me that somewhow, totally the wrong kind of behaviours are being encouraged.

I agree Amanda, people should not be above the law, yet if things need to be changed as you say, it seems that maybe they are.

  • FabDad
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28 Jul 09 #134559 by FabDad
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Enforcing the paramountcy principle in the Family Court proceedings. To have a 2 month delay between an application for Contact and Residence and the first hearing, then a further 5 month delay between first hearing and getting a Section 7 (Welfare) report and second court date, is not putting children first!


  • Bon431
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28 Jul 09 #134609 by Bon431
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Hi DL - Interesting question, that has obviously generated a lot of strongly felt views! I'm not sure how you'd put it into a Cod of Conduct, but what happened in my case, was my x had a view of what he thought was fair that was at odds with both the law and what most other people would view as fair and reasonable. He therefore instructed his solicitor to send letters, etc with these offers and other irrelevant matters, which we had to respond to. This drove the bill up and up, for no reason.

So while mediation might help, there is still a risk a battle ensues once it gets to solicitors. I wonder if the code might include something about acting in such a way that the adversarial nature of the divorce process is minimised through the professional advice and guidance of legal representatives?

I also support the post that said something about the charges being made clear and also the name/position of those involved. In my x's case, there was often a junior person dealing with the correspondence, but the charges weren't any different from the partner who appeared at trial.

The final thing I think would be helpful in an information pack is some guidance on what to expect in court for different kinds of hearings. It was nothing like what I thought it would be and seems to be a frequently asked question by those going through the process.

Thanks for the opportunity to have an input!

Take care, Bon

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