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What I would change if I could....

  • dani_cali
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26 Oct 10 #231235 by dani_cali
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:)if i had a magic wand, here's what i'd change

1. legal aid solicitor would be BOUND to not over bill, and to treat you no differently from private clients. there would be real watchdogs who would actually do something if solicitors got out of line.

2. domestic violence. we would not be made to attend mediation just to get public funding where domestic violence took place because too often the abuser only uses it as a means of dodging the courts, accountability, and a delay tactic for ancillary matters.

3. courts would SERIOUSLY look at abusive behaviour when making contact orders. now they totally disregard how badly dad may have treated mum, and totally disregard the fact that abusers dont just abuse their partners, but can just as easily use those behaviours on the children. so, if a father had a history of being abusive to his wife, this would be taken into consideration in the interest of the child's welfare, which is what courts claim to put first. (yeah, rite).

4. courts would LISTEN to child and what they want from a younger age, not say 13. if a child, say, aged 8, says they do not want to spend that much time with the other parent, the court should listen.

5. divorces and Ancillary Relief would all be processed more efficiently and more quickly so you dont have to wait, say, 3 years for any relief.

6. there would be far more resources to people who wish to self represent, or also people would be able to hire a barrister only for a 'one off' court date without having to use a solicitor.

7. courts would be more wise to malicious 'emergency' childrens act applications made by the NRP purely out of spite and be quicker to ban such parties from making further applications, as it causes stress and grief to both the other parent and child.

8. disgruntled men would stop crying victim and getting dressed up in batman costumes and realise that maybe their wives left them, just maybe, because they were not treating them very nicely. men would also stop trying, and women do this too amazingly now, to devalue a mother's worth. animals know better!!! it makes me CRY to see how women, on here and everywhere, get demonised for pretty much everything, whereas men are viewed as hard done by victims cruelly being denied contact - this is sooo wrong and again makes me so very sad that perceptions are so biased in favour of the one who is actually being the difficult one...

anyway those are my wishes... maybe one day, aye? i wont hold my breath, though... xxxxx

  • MrsH2013
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26 Oct 10 #231239 by MrsH2013
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dani_cali

Your pain is palpable from your last few posts in the forum and I really feel for you.

However even though I am neither male nor a parent I find point 8 of your post quite offensive tbh. By all means let your feelings out but spare a thought for the many decent men who have to fight tooth and nail for contact with their little ones because their ex has moved on and the dad is now a fly in the ointment of mum's new life.

Sending you a hug ((( )))

Kitty :)

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26 Oct 10 #231243 by dukey
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Legal aid costs are subject to a detailed assessment to make sure the final cost is accurate and reasonable.

People who have suffered DV are not required to attend mediation to obtain legal aid.

These days you no longer require a solicitor to instruct a family law barrister.

  • Forseti
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26 Oct 10 #231250 by Forseti
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Like Kittysparkles I too find point 8 pretty offensive. Unlike Kittysparkles I am both male and a parent and I don't consider those two attributes incompatible. I make no apology for the Batman costume hanging in my wardrobe (yes, really). I find it quite surprising that someone who called me a misogynist in another thread can make these sort of ill-informed and ill-tempered ones in this.

The purpose of this forum - as I understand it - is mutual support and respect, and the sharing of advice. We are wise not to condemn those whose experiences we know nothing about purely on the grounds of their gender.

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26 Oct 10 #231251 by Ursa Major
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I don't post on here often these days as my brand of medicine is often unpalatable but on this issue I have to comment. My qualifications for commenting are:
I am a woman, I am a parent, my first husband was a violent alcoholic, the final straw for my partner was when his stbx mentally and physically abused him so violently she woke up the children and upset them so badly they were both in tears (daughter 12 and son 15 at the time.

Whilst the OP obviously has had a really tough time of it with her ex, it is not helpful to tar all ex/stbx husbands with the same brush - imagine the outcry if point 3 had read:

"3. courts would SERIOUSLY look at abusive behaviour when making contact orders. now they totally disregard how badly Mum may have treated Dad, and totally disregard the fact that abusers dont just abuse their partners, but can just as easily use those behaviours on the children. so, if a Mother had a history of being abusive to Her husband, this would be taken into consideration in the interest of the child's welfare, which is what courts claim to put first. (yeah, rite)."

  • hawaythelads
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26 Oct 10 #231253 by hawaythelads
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Dani
My spider senses are tingling I'm sensing you might have a bit of a downer on men.:P;)

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26 Oct 10 #231271 by Kimmi
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hawaythelads wrote:

Dani
My spider senses are tingling I'm sensing you might have a bit of a downer on men.:P;)


Pete, get back in your Bananaman costume and go climb parliament again :laugh:

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