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What I would change if I could....

  • LadySMB
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26 Oct 10 #231272 by LadySMB
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Yeah, Dani's post is biased, but she's clearly bleeding hypothetical blood here and is ranting..... so what...... let her rant....... it's her opinion....... doesn't matter whether she's right or wrong...... I don't agree with everything I read on here but I like to read lots of different opinions anyway.

I didn't have to attend mediation because of DV. I have no money, no solicitor and no legal aid.... I think I'm screwed lol!

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26 Oct 10 #231274 by hawaythelads
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Kimmi wrote:

hawaythelads wrote:

Dani
My spider senses are tingling I'm sensing you might have a bit of a downer on men.:P;)


Pete, get back in your Bananaman costume and go climb parliament again :laugh:



Yeah!!... you you you women just wanna keep all the lycra to yourselfs so your the only ones who never have any ironing !!!!
Now where's me codpiece???:P;)

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26 Oct 10 #231280 by Fiona
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Dani,

You obviously feel aggrieved and it may be that you are one of the cases that the court failed. However, the importance courts attach to contact shouldn't be underestimated. Children who grow up without knowing or understanding their parentage tend to be insecure and have low self esteem. Low self esteem leads to behavioural and emotional problems in later life such as teenage pregnancies and dysfunctional relationships in adulthood. Therefore unless the circumstances are very exceptional the courts will see contact, and a reasonable amount of it, as being in a child's interests even if by most people's standards a parent's behaviour leaves a lot to be desired.

Abuse is not a bar to contact. The principles established by case law are that the Court should consider the conduct of both parties and the effects DV has on the children with the particular consideration to the likely risk of harm (physical or emotional) if contact were granted or refused. It is a balancing act. You may not agree but there is no point in wishing the law was different when it isn't. We all have to work within the law as it exists.

Loving parents usually listen to their children before making important decisions even if it means that their views do not necessarily determine the final outcome. For example, one might ask for a child’s opinion before buying a new house or deciding on a new school but that doesn’t mean that they get to make the final decision. So when parents divorce it is only natural to discuss children’s preferences but children should not be put into the centre of parental disputes. When they are expected to make decisions they end up carrying an enormous load of guilt if they favour one parent at the expense of the other. It is important to understand the rationale behind children 's preferences and to consider them in the light of all circumstances of the family relationships to understand how they fit into the child’s best interests.

A child may express a genuine preference or mirror the preference of one of the parents as a result of direct pressure or threats or a desire to please. In dysfunctional relationships, preferences may reflect the child’s alignment with the parent they most fear, or the parent they regard as the most unstable. Younger children may lack the developmental capacity to understand what life would really be like if their preferences became reality. Also a child may state a preference impulsively or for reasons which are not in their best interests. For example, an adolescent boy may state that he wants to live with his father. Upon closer examination it becomes apparent that the real reason for his preference is that the father provides no structure or discipline, lets him drink, stay out all night etc. They may take a position in the heat of the moment just after an argument. Children tend to think that the “grass is always greener” and their allegiances change depending who they’ve just spent time with.

Listening to children needs to be done sensibly with their best interests in mind and they should not be made to feel that they are pawns in a battle between two parents.

It isn't possible to tar all fathers dressing up in batman suits with the same brush. Some may be bigots and/or misogynists but many of them are hurting because of genuine grievances. Neither gender has a monopoly when it comes to experiencing pain.

  • LadySMB
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26 Oct 10 #231308 by LadySMB
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Hawaythelads...... in the spider kingdom, it is the female of the species that rules supreme :evil::P

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