I’m a father, single parent with 3 children, a girl and 2 boys. Their mother decided that she didn’t want family life, and left the house saying she was going to be selfish and take and take. She left me with debts. I had to pay her costs, while she left spending the child benefit and her wages on her self, while I struggled with her debts, child care costs, going to work to do a full days work and be father and mother 2 the 3 children. People ask how you do it, you don’t know because you don’t think. Clothes have to be washed, meals cooked so had to learn to cook, to tender to all 3 kids while they were mentally hurt by their mum. If you think you probably say you can’t do these things, so you don’t and get on with it.
The biggest annoyance was that everything was geared to the woman. I had to pay her court costs, so it put me more in debt and pressure on family life. Gradually claimed the child benefit, but because I was earning just over the limit no other tax benefits. I’m a proud dad and don’t want to rely on the government. So when I have to be in 4 places at once I prioritise. It’s the only thing I can do. Its bloody hard work.
What needs to change is the thinking it’s the man who wants to leave the kids and the family. Some times it’s the woman.
Now she’s out parting, drinking her self drunk and holidaying in Cuba and then wants to pay child maintenance in arrears against the court order. The courts need an open mind in divorce cases.
Not the man's to blame. thinking!!
Because that’s how it felt when I went to court. Even then the judge won’t accept that she didn’t what them and she left on her own accord with no violence, just that I would let her get the family deeper into debt. She had money given to her by her mum, she spend on her self. Never on me or the kids. She then every 4 years ran up debts and then missed payments on the loans. And finally she said she wanted more out of life. And walked out, when her son asked her to stay. He was 12 years old. I sat with him and comforted him.
She rushed the divorce through trying to take the kids home away. And her selfish attitude that the kids will get over it. My daughter is aged 16, and doesn’t speak to her mother. I have a letter for the judge by her still unopened, telling the judge why she doesn’t want to go to her mother. It was never needed and just sits among the papers.
There was no reason why she left. What she sited for divorce, 1) I was going to paint the house which cause my daughter to cry(after she asked for a divorced). 2) I said she wont inherit any thing from my father. 3) Her mother was not leaving anything to her but the grand children. 4) Her mother cut her off after they rowed about her spending, I was to blame
Hi there great man,
have a look at this posting, think this will lift your spirits a bit.
Innocent ment get a raw deal.
I chatted with you this morning, my husband was in the same position as you,ex wife leaving. I know how he struggled. I think it is quite appalling. Greatest respect to you both and all who struggle.
I know lots of women get a raw deal too.
So sad the innocent one suffers.
I admire you for doing this , I had a history teacher he brought up his son we lived off Scotland road . The schoolgirls used to babysit his son. There was a programme on TV what ever happened to the Free School opened in the 1970 .
This man might of been a teacher but he was like on the poverty line, the story showed his son ended up in Oxford University.
I only know 2 men who brought up the family this was because the mother died.
My friend had no time for single parents. I was divorced for years, only when she gave birth herself did the penny drop.
Then she said I admire you for bringing up children single-handed.
The Courts STINK when it comes down to it they are not child friendly or have aclue what childcare costs or how much is needed to look-after a child.
I think children should be able to drag parents back to court to pay up regardless of gender of NRP. I have offered to now pay CSA rang them up after our case went badly wrong.
My ex does not want to accept this, frightened more like to open the old case were he was the NRP and the outstanding arrears .He paid £5 out of disability benefit.
WE called out C a Tony Blair Baby kept by tax-payers.
Now his new wife of a few months is babysitting whilst he is in lap top dancing clubs!
Ironic isn't it how life turns out for some people.
This is the trouble the courts are part of the problem not a means to an end ,sometimes more than not they make matters a lot worst for families.
Keep your chin up you can do it you are as good as any 1 else.So glad you posted this tonight ,after reading Daily mail which made me wince to be a woman made me feel ashamed to be from the same race.
Same sex couple no room for a dad article,glad my mother did not decided this 1 for me.
What a load of crap the papers print .