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My experience of divorce

  • Under60
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2 years 3 months ago #502109 by Under60
My experience of divorce was created by Under60
I am now divorced and have received a settlement. Hallelujah :)
The system stinks and needs changing.
My position was with someone for 20 years and 2 children.
The ‘Marital pot’ is a myth if it is all held in one persons name.
You cannot use the pot to pay for divorce, life expenses, all you actually have is what is in your name.
In my case I was divorcing the most difficult person ever, and The majority was in his name.
I had to leave and private rent due to the uncontrollable behaviour of the psycho ex, fearing for my safety.
My costs were:
Divorce fee £550
Mediation (compulsory) fee £102
Court fee for financials £255
Expert report £300
Consent order £25
Don’t bother with voluntary exchange of form E. This cost me 6 months of wasted time. He ignored, never replied, delayed.
So I applied to court for a financial settlement.
After applying to court the first appointment was 6 months later. This appointment is a complete waste of time, lasts about 10minutes...you do not need a barrister for this.
The second appointment FDR was a further 3 months. This was discussion about me spending money on experts I did not need. I was just asking for enough to house us, not even half, but no I had to pay more?
The third appointment another 4 months later was a bit more meaningful with the judge saying what he thought.
We wrote with an offer based on judges thoughts. Answer No, your not getting anything.
The final hearing was another 5 months later.
I never got this far as I had ran out of money and really couldn’t suffer anymore, so I accepted an offer of less than 1/3 of marital pot, which would enable me to buy a house for myself and children, move on and get rid of the psycho.
Had this been dealt with quicker, I would of had the money and stamina to fight. The whole system is shocking. If you ain’t got the marital pot you are screwed.
My advice to anyone is get the money in your own name, so you can leave, move out, fight...it gives you chances.
The whole thing has cost me C15K in legal fees and 20k in private rent. This was the sum of my entire savings when I left.
It could have been sorted for 2k and quickly with a reasonable person, unfortunately my Ex was not.
I am now buying a house for myself and my children and the psycho has been erased from my life forever.
The system needs serious readjustment for the person that cannot access the marital pot.
I did look into iceberg loans etc for these cases, but they charge either interest or an upfront charge.
I do grin as initially I asked for 250k, which along with my 35 savings meant I could buy somewhere with 285k.
The end result was he paid 325, so 2.5 years later I have gained an extra 40k due to his stupidity :S
Good luck to you all.

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  • Mitchum
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2 years 3 months ago #502123 by Mitchum
Replied by Mitchum on topic Re:My experience of divorce
I read your post with a growing sense of your frustration and hurt, but also what a strong woman you are.

There's no such thing as an easy and cordial divorce, some are more straightforward than others whilst others are utterly soul destroying, especially when the other spouse like yours is being downright obstructive. Then there are the legal issues, finances and possession issues - a nightmare to be endured. But you've done it. You didn't get all you wanted, but now you're free to build a new life with the children.

It's been a painful journey and well done to you for getting through it. Thank goodness the children have you as their Mum!

I hope you have family and friends to help you adjust now and wish you and the children the peace and happiness you deserve.

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2 years 3 months ago #502126 by Under60
Replied by Under60 on topic Re:My experience of divorce
Ahh thanks Mitchum :blush:
My point of writing it was that the system just seems so wrong and bias to the husband that has all the money in his name, thinking wifey would fold and come back, or give up and die!
What I have learnt, and wish to express to other people on here is make sure you have money in YOUR name only, so you have a fighting chance. :)

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2 years 3 months ago #502138 by Mitchum
Replied by Mitchum on topic Re:My experience of divorce
I endorse your view. After going through my divorce I would advise all partners to have some money of their own in their name. I also advise keeping an eye on transactions. Don't leave all the finances to one person. Be aware of what's going in and out of the bank. I didn't and I quite literally paid the price.

Easy to be wise after the event eh?

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2 years 3 months ago #502160 by Clawed
Replied by Clawed on topic Re:My experience of divorce
Glad you have a result Under60 and I hope your future unencumbered life is as happy as you deserve. You can be proud of yourself having done the best you could in difficult circumstances and using what you have learned to offer help and advice to others, enjoy your freedom, your children and your new home.

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2 years 3 months ago #502237 by greyidragon
Replied by greyidragon on topic Re:My experience of divorce
I am helping my friend out with her divorce and what you have written is similar to what she is going through.

As an outsider looking on I am reading about what should happen if Stbexh doesn't fill out form E or he breaks the injunction she has on him but courts, police etc ignore and give him more time to sort his life out.

He was escorted from the family home nearly a year ago and an emergency injunction was put in place. He was not to contact her or contact her through a 3Rd party only contact was to be through the solicitors.
He started to call her that night and when she didn't answer 2 days later he is sat in a car on the driveway whilst his brother was hammering on the front door.
She called the police but they refused to even come out.

If it wasn't so tragic it would be a huge joke.

Friend will never work again (because of what he has done to her) so what she gets will be her lot for life.

And to rub salt into the wound her disability was recently cut to £90 per month.

No chance of putting any money away as he would have her beg for money to cover bills.

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2 years 3 months ago #502238 by Mitchum
Replied by Mitchum on topic Re:My experience of divorce
Well done to you for helping your friend. I'm sure you will find lots of information here on wikivorce to help you both.

Do post queries on the Forum for further help with specific problems.

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