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Vows, Oaths & Consequences

  • YNK000
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26 Jan 09 #82690 by YNK000
Topic started by YNK000
Hi peeps

If you could change marriage vows what new things would you add to the standard marriage vows?

If we had to take a legal oath instead of vows, would you still get married or think twice about it?

If the consequences of breaking either of the above were more appropriate, would that be a good or a bad thing?

What (if any) consequences would you introduce?

:huh:

  • Elle
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27 Jan 09 #82848 by Elle
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Hi 79,

Thou shall address ones anger with myself (rev/priest/wotever) and not by lashing out at each other or any children you are blessed with!

Rev I Am Jolly Elle

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28 Feb 09 #93913 by Elle
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safe, save or wotever..it takes two..that is 2

Elle x

  • NellNoRegrets
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28 Feb 09 #93969 by NellNoRegrets
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I don't see the point. Marriage is a legal agreement with various ramifications.

But the emotions people feel are not legislatable are they?

When you are "in love" (whatever that means) you are not thinking straight, just as when you are in the emotional whirlwind of separation you can't think clearly either.

I personally think that we should sort out the difference between marriage vows, which are generally of a religious origin, and the oath you take in a civil marriage service, which if my memory is right, just mean you declare there's no reason (legal reason that is) why you shouldn't marry X and that you take X as your wife/husband.

I don't recall any statement by my ex or me that we would love or honour or obey or be faithful or any of that. At the time of the marriage we were both committed to the relationship and now we aren't.

If we made promises we were forced to keep 10, 20, 30 years later, we wouldn't prevent people marrying, but we might force people to stay in unhappy marriages. This is what divorce is meant to prevent.


Marriage in England is a mix of things. Perhaps if we made the legal bit in line with civil partnership ceremonies and left it up to couples whether they wanted to make any other vows, it might be clearer.

But the fact that someone makes a vow/promise/pledge doesn't mean they will keep it. It doesn't mean they don't mean it at the time when they make it either.

As I understand it, marriage as an institution is on the way out anyway. It's socially acceptable to have children without being married now and so many people are divorced, separated, living with step and half families, that it can hardly be held up as the normal pattern of family life.


On the other hand, if you were allowed to get divorced on the grounds that you didn't want to be married any more, rather than having to come up with examples of unreaosnable behaviour etc, it might be better and maybe people could separate without so much acrimony.

And perhaps instead of having to be separate for 2 years before getting an agreed divorce, you should be made to wait 2 years before you got married. That way you'd get to know your future partner better before marriage and maybe not get into a relationship that ends badly.

Or perhaps instead of regarding marriage as for life, we should accept the status quo, which is that marriage is for as long as two people wish to be together.

It doesn't mean, if a marriage ends, that it is a failure either. There may have been mutual support and happiness and children from the marriage which were well worth it.

Just as the end of any relationship can be sad, it doesn't mean it was a bad thing or a mistake. People getting separated and divorced now are doing so because they think its the best thing in the circumstances, which is probably what they thought when they got married too!

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