hi my stbx seems on the face of it to have lost interest in his own children..18, 17 and 13 it is really hard to describe but he doesnt spend any time with them and is starting to pick fault all of the time with them.
He is having an affair and before all of this was a brilliant father who couldnt do enough for them.
I decided very early on in all of this to keep the children out of this as at one point very early on i thought they were getting too involved and that was not right
He has just come back from holiday with them were he spent the whole time bbm texting emailing etc his various women which he didnt really try and hide from them.
I am furious that he treated them with such utter disregard for their feelings etc
I am so sad for them because their whole world is collapsing around them
Is it usual for fathers to change this much ?
i would appreciate others experiences on this and what i should do because he really was the best dad but he is becoming totally unrecognisable to me as well..
My ex was a good dad before the second time her went to work in the s***hole that is is home, just after our third daughter was born.
I hated the way he was with the girls when he came home....wasn''t interested in them, gave them no affection, didn''t want them around. This went on for 15 years and I made excuses for him...that he worked away and wasn''t used to kids. I don''t know how many times I tried to encourage him over the years to have more contact with our daughters....he never made any effort except maybe a one line email wishing them a happy birthday. Sadly , all that time he was concealing his grubby little secret family and since he was ''outed'' has no contact with our girls at all.
He has screwed them up psychologically....I''m having lots of problems with the youngest self-confidence. Our eldest is the same...no confidence in herself. Middle one unfortunately is a lot like him and I worry that she will s**t on people the same way as him.
I can''t understand how a man...or a woman can turn their backs on their own children. I will certainly never forgive him for what he has done to our beautiful daughters and I doubt two of them are likely to get over his rejection of them.
My youngest daughter said to me last night "Why can''t Dad just die?" What he has put us through...and putting us through, I totally agree!
Is your relationship with your ex reasonably constuctive? You seem to have a lot of respect for him and his parenting ability. I hope my ex will say the same about me in years to come!
It sounds like you''ve been very reasonable, and hopefully therefore you are in a position to be able to talk to each other about your children? Obviously you are angry about the way the children were treated but hopefully you can still discuss things without anger getting in the way.
If you can, without getting hostile (and away from the children!), try talking to him, explaining that the children felt ignored and hurt. For the moment that''s a good enough first step. If he continues to act in such a way then it might be that other action is needed, but one bad week doesn''t necessarily mean that everything has gone pear-shaped!