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Ex tells child bad things ab new BF

  • rachael5
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09 May 12 #329543 by rachael5
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Please help. My ex is still very emotional and whenever he has the child, he tells him really bad things about my new BF. My new BF is a very nice person and loves my child, and they get along very well. But whenever the child comes back having spent a few days with the Dad, he says that Dad told him that Mum''s new BF is very bad, etc etc.

I don''t want to limit the time my son spends with my new BF, esp because it is so serious that we''ll be moving in together shortly. But I see that my child is really suffering hearing bad stuff about a person Mummy cares about.

What should I do?? Please help.

  • rubytuesday
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10 May 12 #329605 by rubytuesday
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Rachel

How were things before you met your new boyfriend? And how often does your son see his Dad?

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10 May 12 #329606 by rachael5
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We''re in the middle of the divorce proceedings now, so things have ever been easy for the past few months. THe child sees his Dad 50% of the time, and every time he comes back perturbed by what the Dad tells him about my new BF (and possibly also about me)

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10 May 12 #329609 by rubytuesday
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Think you may need to have a quiet word with your ex, and ask that if he has any concerns regarding your bf, or you that he address them with you directly.

It could be that Dad is fearful of being replaced and is reacting to this - we don''t always react well when we are scared.

Explain to the ex that its not fair on your child to be caught in the middle like this - child love both Mum and Dad equally, and is too young to understand why Dad is saying these things to him. I would offer reassurance to Dad that he isn''t going to be "replaced", that he can never be replaced, and that the time he and child spend together won''t be reduced simply because you now have someone else in your life.

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10 May 12 #329614 by rachael5
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Thank you! Will try what you advise...

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10 May 12 #329663 by minusnine
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Hi, The threat your ex feels from your BF could be very real to him. I certainly required a great deal of reassurance from friends and family that I couldn''t be replaced as a father.

It''s very difficult to hear from your children how well they get on with mummy''s BF and sometimes you can''t help yourself. But I''m glad they like him and they get on well (through gritted teeth).

I would agree with trying to reassure him as rubytuesday suggests. But tread lightly - it can quickly feel like a lecture. But I think I would have appreciated reassurance from my ex at the time.

All the best.

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11 May 12 #330062 by rachael5
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Many thanks!! Will try reassuring him...

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