A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

How do you tell siblings about separation?

  • halflifedecay
  • halflifedecay's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
10 May 12 #329742 by halflifedecay
Topic started by halflifedecay
It looks certain that my wife and I will be separating :(We''re still living together at the moment, and our daughters (9 & 7) currently have no clue. I''m sleeping in the spare room, but get up before them (on the rare occasional the eldest has noticed, I just said I''d been snoring too loudly, so gave Mummy some peace).
The thought of not being with them full time is killing me, I was walking through Asda earlier and was thinking about not being able to kiss them goodnight every night, when a woman asked if I was ok. Only then, did I realise I was crying.

The first terrifying thought is telling them about separation. My wife and I will have the conversation together, but I wondered, how did you tell siblings? At the same time or separately?
Our youngest often looks to the eldest for how to react on things.

  • Lostboy67
  • Lostboy67's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
10 May 12 #329747 by Lostboy67
Reply from Lostboy67
Hi
Its never easy or pleasant to tell the children, and not something that should be rushed into without a lot of thought.
How much of the future is know, for example where you each will live ? or what the split of child care will be. The more certainty you can give them the better.
I (we) didn''t tell the children together, they have quite a large age gap and it required a slightly different approach with the eldest and youngest.

halflifedecay wrote:

The thought of not being with them full time is killing me, I was walking through Asda earlier and was thinking about not being able to kiss them goodnight every night, when a woman asked if I was ok. Only then, did I realise I was crying.

Been there and done that, I don''t see my children every night now and that is hard, can''t tell you any different than that really.

LB

  • halflifedecay
  • halflifedecay's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
10 May 12 #329752 by halflifedecay
Reply from halflifedecay
Thanks for replying LB

We''ve only had the first conversation about residence so far. I want it to be 50/50, she wants 5 days, to my 2. I guess it will go to mediation.

Obviously we won''t tell them ''til after that. We may even have to wait longer, as we apply for secondary schools in a few months. It would seem stupid to live in the right catchment area for 15 years, then move just before we do that.

  • Animus
  • Animus's Avatar
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
More
26 Jun 12 #339203 by Animus
Reply from Animus
How did it go? How are you? Telling my kids nearly broke me, we told them together, (4,5 and 7) sitting on our laps, on the sofa in the living room and my stbx stayed for the afternoon, and dinner so the kids didn''t make an association with us telling them and him leaving. (although that''s exactly what he has done, but that''s another thread....)

It''s been a month and a half now, and they are coping. I continue to talk to them about it, am completely positive about their dad and supportive of his time with them.

He wants 50/50 too and I can''t cope with that. But happy to have a conversation about it, if it helps.

  • kazdel
  • kazdel's Avatar
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
26 Jun 12 #339221 by kazdel
Reply from kazdel
Really feel for you. my kids are 14 and 17 which is obviously older. I thought it would break my 14 year old but she took it surprisingly well and I guess they are at the age that they can bounce of eachother. I also made sure that they text their dad daily and that he comes round for tea at least twice a week when we make sure we get on for their sakes.

The only real advice I can give is look after yourself and talk to friends about your own emotions. I found that because I was trying to be so happy round the kids for their sake I ended up "breaking down" myself resulting in them seeing me unhappy which caused them more distress than the separation itself.

good luck x

  • Animus
  • Animus's Avatar
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
More
26 Jun 12 #339314 by Animus
Reply from Animus
Thanks Kadzel. We managed to ''do stuff'' together as a family for the first couple of weeks but then I couldn''t cope, so I asked him to not come by, and only text or email, and that helps me immensely. We had our 5 yr olds 6th birthday (early) and I managed that, but only because I knew it was a one off and didn''t have to happen again until October.

It sure is tough, isn''t it? Sigh. Really glad to have this site to post on. Saves me from sounding like a.....emotionally crazed woman to all my friends.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11