So I had my boy over the weekend. He''s 3 years old. He''s still in nappies, because we separated around the time he reached potty training age, and things haven''t really been stable to do it.
So this weekend, every time he filled his nappy he was pointing at his bum and saying ''oo''
So when I dropped him off I asked if she''d been potty training him. Apparently he''s been potty trained for ages. Strange that every time I''ve ever picked him up he comes to me in a nappy then.
Can she really be stupid enough to potty train him when he''s with her, then put him in a nappy when he''s with me, how confusing would that be for the poor kid? Is she just trying to make herself sound like a great mom, cause she has already trained him? If so she just made herself sound an idiot!
I know that we aren''t on good terms, but is it so unreasonable to expect an update on major changes to his routine?
How should I play it now? Take him back in pants next week? Continue doing what I''m doing? Do I put this in my statement of concerns, or mention to Cafcass?
I went through this a couple of years ago - it''s very difficult to get the balance right for the child. My ex was insistent that our then 2 1/2 year old was ready to potty train (kind of guy who sees genius where there is none!) when both myself and our childminder were saying very different. I refused to go with it until he was 3 and somehow between us we managed to achieve it quite quickly. I believe that the ex tried to potty train him between 2 1/2 and 3 when he was with him but then returned him to me in nappies - but I only have the word of a 5 year old that was the case!
No, I don''t think it''s an issue for CAFCASS or an issue of ''concern''. Why would it be? Potty training can be very difficult and it can equally be very easy - depends on the child. I personally find it a bit off if your child is potty trained that she sends him to you in nappies. Do you have a long journey to make? have you expressed opinion that he''s not ready to potty train so she''s going with you on that? Try him with the potty and/or toilet when you have him and see how he goes. If he''s hitting more than missing, put him in pants and leave it that way (not at night though, it takes a bit longer, usually, to go through the night).
I''ve felt that he was ready for potty training for a while, but as I only have him a couple of days a week I haven''t tried anything with him. I thought that it was more important to be consistent, so I was leaving it for my ex to start him and let me know when she had.
I don''t want to engage in point scoring with her, there is no winner, obviously. The reason that I''m concerned is that she hasn''t told me that she had done it, so leading to confusion for my son.
She doesn''t give me any updates when I collect him, so I get no news. It''s not the first time that this has been an issue (a couple of weeks ago he came to me with a huge lump on his head. She didn''t tell me he had bumped his head until I texted her what happened in case I needed to watch him for symptoms. I''ve asked her today to email me with what she is doing to potty train him in order to be consistent but I don''t think I''ll get it.
I suspect that what she''s been doing is so that she can ''point score'' with Cafcass by telling them that she''s potty trained him but I''m sending him back in a nappy. Too bad I''ve scuppered that for her.
consistency is important, you''re right about that. The problem is if your relationship with your ex is ''off'' (mine is, believe me!), you''re not going to get that. She may well have seen it as a point-scoring exercise but if you attempt to use it as a point scoring exercise by pointing out the obvious, you risk looking like the daft one. So just ignore it and if he''s potty trained, so much the better. Another tick in the box and just move onto the next thing (school!).
I don''t think consistency is as important as people sometimes think in these things. With our younger one we kept him at nappies at home and let the nursery staff (who are very good at it and have a routine to fit it in to) start the potty training. It made for a much smoother experience all round.
As mumtoboys says, keep him in nappies at night for a while even if he is dry by day. Quite a lot of children are still using night-time pull-ups when they start school.