Advice regarding joint custody threats

Hi everyone, been advised to come on here for some help and advice so I will give you the briefest insight into my story.

I separated from my ex husband in Aug 2009, our son is now 5 years old and we seemed to plod along on an as and when required basis of access to suit my ex, he works every 3rd Sat so would not commit to any set days and times, says he needs a social life, has a relationship and needs to work around his new GF daughter''s access too?? I had no issues with my son seeing his dad I have only ever asked for some structure, but it has got to the stage I am sick of the abuse I get from him when he cant get his own way, he also doesnt give me any money so I have had to go to the CSA.

So now ex has sent me text messages last week telling me to get "the csa off his back or he has no option other than to take me to court for joint access and then I wouldnt get the money I am looking for anyway"

What are the chances of a sheriff (we are in Scotland) granting access on an "as and when required basis" he will not set days or times, I have suggested loads of ways but meet a dead end everytime.

So now I have had to get the police involved as he has been harrassing me with mulitple daiy text messages and turning up on the doorstep expecting to take son with him even though not prearranged.

Ex suffers from depression and I feel these bouts of unrest come from this, I try to hide what goes on from my son but he tells him everything and trys to paint me out as the baddie. Son came home from his dads last weekend and took him over and hour to even look or speak to me and he eventually told me "mum you phoned the police on my dad and they have came and saw him to tell him your a very bad girl"

Can anyone give me advice, he says he has started the ball rolling with his lawyer, obviously concerned where this is going to go, do not want my son living away half of the week?

First of all the terms "custody" and "access" were replaced in Scotland with "residence" and "contact" about 16 years ago.

I wouldn''t worry too much about going to court. You are entitled to privacy and a family life and your ex can''t demand contact when it suits him or just turn up at your home. Even if your ex-husband''s job makes it difficult to define contact times it is possible to have arrangements in place , say for a certain number of days a fortnight, with reasonable advance warning that ties in with his commitments.

A residence order can in favour of one parent or both (shared residence.) Shared residence doesn''t have to be 50:50 it can be in different proportions and practically isn''t that different from the more more traditional contact/residence order. It is unlikely a court will disrupt a child''s sense of security or established bonds by changing an existing arrangement drastically unless there is evidence that a child isn''t thriving satisfactorily.

Good contact for children relies on parents working together or at least not against one another. Going to court tends to cause resentment and resistance making that difficult or impossible so it''s usually worth trying mediation to find a way forward. A mediator can help separated parents draw up a parenting agreement which could address your issues.