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Dilemma with ex''s partner

  • perin123
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20 Jun 12 #337741 by perin123
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For those of you who know me you will know the on going stress and problems I have had with my ex and particularly his partner.

Contact is unsettled to say the least but I have always tried to keep a relationship up between my son and his dad. Things have happened and I have tried to deal with them.

Last weekend my son came home and told me of an incident with ex''s partner which resulted in her shouting abusive and appalling language at him at 2am. My ex was out at the time but when he came back she carried on and my ex then had a huge row with her, then my ex put our son in the car to bring him home. Eventually after lots of phone calls they went back and my son went up to bed.

I queried this with my ex and got 2 texts from his partner at 3am laying into me.

My question is, I know when ex has our son it is up to him what he does, but my problem is that my son is left with his partner and I do not want him spoken to in that way. Do I have any right to say enough, my son is not going over while this continues.

My son is now 13 and has said he doesn''t want to go at the moment.

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20 Jun 12 #337748 by raybird
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perin, your poor son, thats not right at all. bloody nerve of the woman, as you say your son doesnt want to go so dont make him, he s a teenager and can make his own mind up, i certainly wouldnt have allowed my son to go in those circumstances take care xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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20 Jun 12 #337749 by hawaythelads
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Great your son has done all the talking for you.
Your ex is still putting his pub gigs above your son.
That''s your exes problem not yours.
All you have to tell them is the stand up argument with a stranger in the middle of the night while his father ain''t there means the son don''t want to be party to that situation.
Personally if she contacts you again tell her feck off you marriage wrecking wxxxx child abuser.
All the best
Pete xx

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20 Jun 12 #337750 by dukey
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Its more about what your son wants, if he says he no longer wants to go or will visit with caveats then your ex needs to take notice.

Even if there is a contact order it is almost imposable to enforce with a child that age, long story short no one can make a lad that age do something he does not want too, especially if he has good reason.

Is there anyway you and the ex can talk about this and then maybe you the ex and son, personally i hate texts there is no real feel for what is being communicated, if everyone starts from the point of view that the lad needs to see both parents it should be ok, if they go on the defensive it will fall apart.

It could be the lad did wrong and they had a right to be upset, its how you handle it that counts, arguing at 2am is not the way to go.

If this is your eldest you both may not have much experience with teenagers, if this is the case this is all you need to know, teenagers are hormone packed volatile and moody and they do stupid things, its all part of growing up.

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20 Jun 12 #337751 by hawaythelads
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I wouldn''t be overly concerned.The type of control freak nutter woman she is.A 13 year old moody teenage boy ain''t fitting in with her plans too well.So she''ll be on a campaign of getting rid of him an all.
She only signed up for aging Rock God wannabee marriage reckers don''t sign up for the kids.
I mean this pair run the ex harridan and Bazza a close second for the most selfish cxxxx on the planet ;)
I wouldn''t worry about your son too much kids see shxt people for what they are,and are very capable of having a complete handle on the situation.
All the best
Pete xx

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20 Jun 12 #337768 by jslgb
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One of the reasons i wont allow overnight contact for my daughter is because her dad works in a pub at the weekend and i couldnt trust him to be there when my daughter is. He says he doesnt work in the pub anymore but i have friends who have seen him!

When my daughter has contact with her dad i expect her to be with her dad, not his current girlfriend.

Dukey is right, your son may have done something that was inappropriate, but in my opinion it is never the partners place to deal with this. If my stbxh''s eldest daughter was ever in the wrong i would pass it on to him and he would deal with it. I certainly wouldnt have yelled and screamed at her, never mind doing it at 2am with foul language.

If your son doesnt want to go thats his decision but it might be a good idea to hear your exes side of things and give him the opportunity to speak to your son and try and sort things out.

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20 Jun 12 #337958 by perin123
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Thanks for your replies. I did send an email to my ex ( I am not allowed to speak to him directly as his partner is not "comfortable" with that!!) It was a very nice text saying I was not excusing my sons behavior and if he had done something wrong I had no problem with her telling him off, but not in the manner she did and especially not with foul language. And he never replied, I just got the texts from his partner at 3am!! These texts by the way were muddled and didn''t make sense, and were just plain weird, I wonder if she was on something???

I am going to say to ex that because of what has happened my son is not staying over at his for the moment.My son has said this also. I am not happy with his partner looking after my son if she is capable of such abusive language.

No doubt their next thing will be "we are taking you to court"

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