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Do I apply to the Courts or trust the ex??

  • madaboutcars
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04 Jul 12 #341187 by madaboutcars
Topic started by madaboutcars
my dilemma -

I currently have a court order that allows me a 2 week contact in the summer as well as 1 week at easter (as well as xmas contact)

I would LOVE to take my daughter to Florida for 2 weeks and think that it would be better (due to the heat) to take her at Easter time

Some of you may know that my life is a constant battle to see my daughter, with ex stopping contact at any opportunity. We do not speak.

The first and only time i attempted to take my daughter abroad 5 years ago resulted in the ex agreeing, handing over the passport and then refusing to allow me to take daugher on holiday 10 days before we were due to fly- to cut a very long story short, i got an emergency hearing and the ex had lied to try and stop me going and judge agreed to let me take daughter away - there is a post on here somewhere about it if you want to read through it

ANYWAY - as you can imagine, i dont know what to do - if i approach ex and she agrees to swapping the holiday and then just before we are due to go, she changes her mind or do i apply to the courts for a Specific Issue Order for change of dates etc

Im not in a position to lose £7k that i have saved for us (including wife and step daughter)if ex changes her mind but am very aware that ex will, if she feels like it, stop me going

Any advice ??

  • zonked
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04 Jul 12 #341207 by zonked
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Well you still have time to apply for the relevant court orders...variation of the contact order for the holiday, specific issue order for permission to travel and to set date for exchange of passports. If she were to breach the order you could, perhaps, apply for the costs of the holiday.

It would give you peace of mind but obviousely might cause agrovation with the ex.

Perhaps you could mitigate against a backlash by dressing up your court action as a wish to give both parties peace of mind, provide settled arrangments for your dtr, that your happy to give the ex details of the hotel and flight details, perhaps agree phones calls from dtr to mum during the holiday?

  • sillywoman
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05 Jul 12 #341237 by sillywoman
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If things are as bad as you say they are, keep to the contact arrangements and take your daughter somewhere else in the 2 weeks summer holiday.

  • Elphie
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12 Jul 12 #342661 by Elphie
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I''ve beep Florida in the summer hols, and it''s really not that bad. Infact I think the are good arguements for taking her in the summer hols, when she will have time to readjust her body clock before returning to school, rather than squeezing it into the Easter holidays, which don''t even always run weekend to weekend and so could mean her having to go to school the day after her holiday, before she has gotten over her jet lag and still tired from a busy, fun packed holiday.

As you have the added complication of an in-cooperative ex, I''d stick to the contact order and take your girl in the summer hols, you''ll still have a fantastic time there

  • hawaythelads
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12 Jul 12 #342664 by hawaythelads
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I wouldn''t bother rocking the boat.
I''d go in the summer.I''ve been in August it''s all air conditioned cars, queues,shops,hotels,restaurants.
Admittedly it is hotter but you get more rain as well.That was back in my past life before I gave all my money to the ex harridan the kids were little toddlers never had no problems with the heat as I say because they are geared up for it out there.Unlike here when they sell out of desk fans the two days a year it hits 80.
Not worth opening up the cans of worms in my considered opinion.
And remember "I am always right" ;)
All the best
HRH xx

  • TBagpuss
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12 Jul 12 #342690 by TBagpuss
Reply from TBagpuss
If you do decide to ask your ex to swap the dates, do so in witing. Keep it very polite, set out specific dates and ans ask her to confirm in writing whether she is happy to do this or not.

If she is, then you could agree to draw up a document simply saying

- the dates it''s agreed your daughter will be with you

-that she specifically consents to you taking daughter to Florida for those dates

- that it is for 2013 only, and will revert to the court order after that

- when she will provide the passport (suggest that this should be 2-3 weeks before you are due to go)

- what information you will give her (e.g. flight numbers, hotel details)

you can then both sign this. If she does then cahnge her mind at the kast minute you can make an urgent applciation to the court and produce the agreement as evidence. You can explain to her that you are proposing the ritten agreement to protect you both - otherwise you could take your daughter away for 2 weeks at easter and then demand the 2 weekns in the summer as well! Equally you can offer to add in provision to say that you will bear the cost of repcaeing the passport if it is lost while in your posession and whatever other ''safeguards'' she might say she wants.

  • Bobbinalong
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12 Jul 12 #342693 by Bobbinalong
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on one hand its a lot of money to risk, so a few hundred on a specific order from court is little to insure against going.
On the other hand, as some have said its a big ask and she is unlikely to make it easy for you, so just do it in the summer, then all you need is the passport and you KNOW you can go.

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