Children what they want and need

Listen to mumtoboys, YM - she knows what she is talking about. She had a terrible time but she came through and the children are all with her.

The children are confused, which isn''t surprising, and that is reflected by their behaviour when they come back from their dad''s. Having constant discussions (with either of you) about where they want to live doesn''t help. If their dad is starting these conversations, ignore him, but don''t start them yourself. If the children say they want to live with dad, don''t argue, just acknowledge that they have said that and move on. It doesn''t mean that''s what they really want, or (which is more important) that CAFCASS or the court will think it is what is best for them.

Remember, you were and are the main carer. This is your trump card.

Sadie x

YM you are existing in a state of high anxiety - I recognise this because I am currently doing the same (at least your stbx has moved out ; I am currently trying to facilitate alternate weeks of primary care under the same roof , its his week so I go out of the house or hide in my room)
enough about me, lets talk about you

Who is looking after you ?

on an airplane, we go through pre-flight safety checks, including: when the oxygen masks drop, fit your own before attempting to fit your children''s masks.
Please assure me you are getting professional support to help you come to terms with being a victim of domestic abuse.
This is a brilliant site, helpful & supportive, but, a 1 to 1 session can give practical instant relief.
Abusers use fear, shame, guilt and intimidation to keep you down/confused/helpless, and yes that includes using children as a tool to get to you.

I am still being abused, I have good days & bad days , I am strong right now cos I have just come back from a week at my supportive parents (I ate regularly & got more than 5 hours undisturbed sleep daily) Also I had a FREE 3 hour session with a professional counsellor, face to face. I also have my phone counsellor from the police affiliated advocacy group (although it is hard to get private time to make calls)
You must help yourself to get strong honey

Yummy Mummy,
Please make sure that CAFCASS are fully aware of the background. They are supposed to be extra careful when there are issues of DV, but in my case, where the abuse had mainly been emotional, I was treated like someone who was just making it up to deny contact with father. CAFCASS report carries a lot of weight in court. My children said something to CAFCASS that they immediately regretted and it caused a lot of time to be spent in court. They did not talk to the CAFCASS officer about DV and he didn''t ask, but later put in his report that the children failed to corroborate my ''allegations''.
You are very clear about what you are doing and why. Stand your ground, stay clear and focused and hopefully you will get your message across.