What to tell nrp

Background: I''ve been split from abusive ex for 6 months. I have refused him unsupervised contact with our baby due to him being aggressive towards the baby, I genuinely am scared he will lose his temper and shake baby, so have masked for supervised contact until either baby is old enough to talk & interact in a way that doesn''t trigger ex anger or until ex complete behaviour management course. These were issues while we were still together - I never left ex alone with baby for the last 3 or 4 months of our relationship. However, ex hs refused supervised contact so has chosen no contact with baby at all since we split. He claims in texts / phone calls that he wants contact, but hasn''t taken any steps to arrange supervised contact nor has he start court proceedings. For the first time, a month ago, he asked for up to date photos of our baby, which I supplied, and asked how he was doing, so I told him (via text ) that he was ow crawling, had x number of teeth etc. in return he complained that I hadn''t told him sooner about baby''s developments and that the photos were poor quality. (they were honestly the best I could do, normal family snaps)

Ok, that''s just background. So, today my baby took is first, wobbly steps! I''m a very proud mummy, texting everyone I know. But I''m also now wondering, do I tell the ex? I keep communication to a minimum, as any openings I give him to communicate ends in him being verbally abusive, which I still find upsetting causing high anxiety and insomnia. I imaging texting him this will result in him having a go at me for rubbing his nose in what he is missing out on. However, if I don''t tell him, either he''ll eventually find out or enough time will have passed that he knows the baby must be walking, and therefore will most likely have a go at me for not telling him.

Normally, when I''m not sure what to do, I try and do what I think is best for the kids, but in those case I don''t know that is really affects baby either way.

So, any thoughts? Either from rp''s who have been in a similar position, or from NPR''s who we denied contact, rightly or wrongly, while their baby was going through developmental mile stones. Would you have wanted to be told? Or not reminded of what you were missing?

Wow, that was long for what is a relatively insignificant question. Thank you for reading if you got this far!

I''d tell him then at least he can''t complain that he doesn''t know, it''s his choice to have no contact due to it being supervised so if he feels he''s missing out again it''s his decision not yours. If he gets abusive keep texts but ignore them.

Oh and congrats on your little one walking, now lock everything up and move to the highest shelf possible

Send them. He has a right to be kept informed.

I have had no contact or communication with my children in 18 months now, after refusing supervised contact.

I read the emails from the ex and take a look at the pictures and do not see it as "rubbing it in".

I send no replies and give no financial contributions towards the children.

"Best interests of the children"

I personally would not inform him as he sounds very controlling - refusing supervised access of a very young infant when you are concerned of risk of harm and that is why you wanted supervised contact does sound very controlling as does stating that the photos aren''t of adequate quality and he wants this and that.

I would talk through you concerns by ringing the NSPCC helpline, I found them very useful in the past.

I also think that as a mother of a very young infant you are vulnerable yourself especially if you are feeling under pressure by a man who is absent.

If you get the feeling that if you do something it isn''t right and if you don''t do something it isn''t right then that to me is a red flag that you are dealling with a controlling and angry person.

Thank-you for all your replies.

You''re right, soul ruler, he is very controlling. I didn''t really realise it before the children as I was so easy going, but once the kids were here, I believed they should be put first, he didn''t, that''s when the conflict started and his temper rapidly got worse.

(yes, kids, I have a 3 year old too - he was having weekly contact with her up until 2 months ago, as he was abusive every pick up and hand over it got to where I was dreading the weekends because of it, so asked for third party hand overs, which he refused.)

Thank-you James for replying, it''s very helpful to hear your views, and that you appreciate the emails and don''t find it negative. I think reading how you feel, I will email and let him know. However, I will wait a few weeks as he also requested photos of the 3 year old in her uniform when she starts nursery in sept so I''ll send the info and photos all together - get his opportunity to be abusive over with all in one go.

The allegation that your ex would deliberately harm his baby if left unsupervised is as seriouse as it gets. Perhaps your ex feels that supervised contact is a humiliating ritual and to accept it is to implicitly accept your allegations have some substance?

Maybe he does. But my allegations do have substance and I am confident I am acting in my children,s best interest. I wasn''t asking for opinions on why he is refusing supervised contact. I was asking whether I should volunteer information about a child''s normal development, given the circumstances,