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Worried about my Children

  • Flowers2012
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06 Sep 12 #354331 by Flowers2012
Topic started by Flowers2012
My husband moved out and in with another woman a month ago. He has been seeing the boys every weekend and what is upsetting me is that he involves this woman with my children, by going out and doing family things together, which I am finding distressing. I feel that its an invasion of my privacy to have the woman be so involved with my children so soon.

  • jslgb
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06 Sep 12 #354332 by jslgb
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Hi Flowers,

The general rule of thumb is to wait 6 months into a relationship before introducing them to the children. This is what i have been told by both my solicitor and a mediator.

However, as he has already began spending time together i wouldnt know what to suggest. How are your children finding it?

I remember going through this with my ex and getting so worked up over it! Some wise person asked me if i was worried about my children or i was hurt, and which emotion was overriding. As i had welfare issues with my ex looking after my daughter it was pointed out that it might be a good idea for the OW to be around as she is a trained childcare provider. This swung it for me and i agreed to let my stbxh introduce her although by this stage it had been 7 or eight months!

What is your relationship like with your ex? Is he open to discussion? Maybe suggesting he has an equal amount of time with the children alone as well as with OW?

  • Flowers2012
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07 Sep 12 #354333 by Flowers2012
Reply from Flowers2012
I have not spoken to my ex about this yet because I want to be civil and keep things amicable. But yes I am v hurt myself and worried that the children and how involved she is with my boys. My oldest son said that she will take them to Africa one day, which I''m worried about, because my son said that he wants to go. My husband only moved out 6 weeks ago and seems to be in happy families and I feel so alone, I have been going out with friends, but I still feel lonely. My husband is 40 and the woman that he lives with is 25.

  • Fiona
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07 Sep 12 #354335 by Fiona
Reply from Fiona
It would be considerate for your husband to be sensitive of your feelings, but there isn''t much you can do to stop him if he insists on involving the OW without the risk of damaging long term family relationships to the detriment of your children. Counselling might help you to cope with the distress.

Sharing quality time at weekends 50:50 is a common arrangement and you and the children might find it less unsettling if contact was every other weekend with perhaps a night or two midweek inbetween rather than every weekend so that you have an extended period when you can go out and do family things.

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