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Crossroads

  • chelsea02
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02 Oct 12 #358914 by chelsea02
Topic started by chelsea02
My ex has tried to delete me from our 3 kids lives since we split in 2009. Despite this as a LIP I have managed to get to the point where I see two of the three kids every other w/end but it''s hard owing to parental alienation. Our eldest child (only 10) has refused to see me for over 2 years owing to PA. A guardian and solicitor have recently been appointed to try to help. I saw guardian and she has been frank saying cutbacks are such that she will try to see my eldest but it sounds like she will refuse to see me so that''s that. Contact with the other two is good even if PA taking place (even though I told her it was difficult).
Overall I believe my ex has a personality disorder which from researching things often goes hand in hand with PA - ultimately she must be not quite right to want to remove me even though she knows the kids will suffer.
My crossroads is should I ask the Judge to appoint a psychologist to confirm PA (guardian told me she will probably not ask because of funding)? What if this ends up confirming PA and then mental illness of my ex and Judge says therefore kids should live with me? I have a new partner with her 2 kids and we simply could not cope with 3 more.
If not the above then I am faced with seeing 2 out of 3 kids suffering PA. Is that really good for them, let alone my eldest who I''m not seeing?
Seems to be heads you lose, tails you lose............
Any guidance anyone?

  • BoysMum
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02 Oct 12 #358921 by BoysMum
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Hi,

I am sorry that you are in such an awful situation.

PA is not recognised in UK Courts so I wouldn''t raise this.

I don''t think that you need worrying about the children being removed from their Mother. This is very unlikely to happen. They have lived satisfactorily with her since you split in 2009 and trying to change the current status would be an uphill battle to say the very least. If the children are surviving satisfactorily, I don''t think is any chance the children would be removed from their Mother.

Have CAFCASS done a wishes and feelings report on your 10 yr old? If so, what was their recommendation?

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02 Oct 12 #358952 by chelsea02
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Thanks for your reply.
I bow to your superior knowledge as this is not something I know much about but the Guardian did say to me yesterday that I would be best served asking the Judge to appoint a psychologist as hopefully he/she would confirm PA and onwards a diagnosis of a personality disorder of my ex. A change of residence for all three kids may ensue she said. She also said the Judge may well move quicker on changing residence to save time and costs if it became obvious that PA had taken place. She explained that the Judge cannot come to this conclusion on his own, he needs an expert to start the ball rolling.
Also just to mention the Judge has previously said to my ex that she is causing "emotional abuse" to my 10 year old by what she is doing and saying to her.

Yes wishes and feelings report already done and my 10 year old said she does not want to see me (ever again!) because of various things I have done - none of which happened. CAFCASS advised further work to try to persuade her (slowly) that she should see me.

  • Fiona
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02 Oct 12 #358955 by Fiona
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I don''t entirely agree that the courts won''t recognise parental alienation. It''s true that in the UK Parental Alienation Syndrome as a form of mental illness hasn''t been recognised by the courts. However, when supported with evidence from psychiatrists or psychologists acting as expert witnesses "alienation" as a child''s response to family relationship problems has been recognised by judges in England.

Children resist contact for all sorts of reasons. Most children love both parents and want a relationship with them both. Sometimes there are children who resist contact for reasons based on real events they can describe such as witnessing outbursts of temper or finding contact unrewarding. When a child resists contact for no good reason it may be necessary to instruct an independent psychiatrist or psychologist to find the root cause of the child''s resistance and make recommendations as to a way forward.

If the "alienation" is mild non blaming mediation may persuade a parent to change their tack and with more severe cases a professional might work with the family and befriend and reunite a child with the rejected parent. A change of residence is a last resort when other options have failed and it isn''t always a success. A change of residence won''t be considered an option if you and your new partner won''t be able to cope.

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02 Oct 12 #358958 by chelsea02
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Thanks Fiona.I''m a bit punch drunk having seen the guardian for the first time yesterday.
You might recall I was on the verge of pulling out of contact but the Judge persuaded me to stay in there because the guardian "has a lot more power and options available than CAFCASS".
I''m really not sure what is best at the moment.....
It seems there are 3 options now:
1. I pull out as I wished to and the kids suffer but at least that stops the PA.
2. I hang in there, see the kids which is good for them when they''re with me but they suffer when they return home to my ex and in the build up during the following 13 days before next contact.
3. I hang in there as in 2. and press for an expert to prove PA and possibly mental illness of my ex for continuing to do this to the kids even 3 years after our split.
Any thoughts anyone?

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