School fees

Hello, we have two children, 11&9, the eldest is due to start fee paying school in five weeks. My wife and I have had a tough year and are currently seeing a counsellor. However I have discovered she is still in contact with her affair partner despite me requesting for several months that she should end all contact. I do not want our children to suffer but essentially I can afford the school fees if we stay together but not if we split, running two houses etc, my wife works six hrs a week and doesn't earn much. I have mentioned this to her, not as a lever but as a statement of fact but she has chosen to ignore the consequences of her actions it would appear.
Separation has been mentioned but I am refusing to leave the marital home as it is she who is having the affair. I am on the verge of calling the while thing off, seeking a divorce and cancelling private school but this means depriving my children of a great opportunity. If I start to pay the fees and we then split, am I legally obliged to keep paying them? Some informal chat has suggested yes, others have said no. Can you please help.

Hi I don't know the answer to your question financially - but I think it would be hard for a kid to have to change schools during a divorce because you cannot afford it.

Are the schools really so bad that your child cannot attend a non-fee paying school?

You should speak to a lawyer about this but if you have a good one he'll say that paying school fees shouldn't just be your responsibility and your wife or soon to be ex should work more hours to contribute - or take a smaller cut of SM / equity in the house.

In practical terms aren't you too late to enrol them somewhere else if you have already accepted this school as your top choice?

You will be held liable for the school fee's as well as spousal maintenance for your wife if she is not working as well as child support. In effect the better the lifestyle you setup for your kids and wife the more you will be expected to provide after the divorce. Do not leave the house until any financial agreement has been made and finalised in court as there will be no incentive for her to settle.

Hi Ognjenthorsten, I don't think he'll be automatically liable for school fees. On top of SM, CM and giving her a bigger share of the house. If it's a decent lawyer, he will argue that if the money for school fees isn't there after all other payments are made, something has to give. Ultimately,the choice, however, lies with RggC, you don't necessarily need a judge or lawyer to tell you whether or not to send the kid to a fee paying school but it will all be part of the discussion and the final settlement.

If you choose to work and put your kids in to childcare then you are liable, so me, single mum of two has to pay all the nursery and out of school fees while to ex doesnt have to pay anything at all.We had a fliped relationship, me the breadwinner him the simple no nonesense life style.
I assume its the same with school fees. If you decide to put them in a school, then yes either you continue to kill yourself to pay them or you dont and therefore your kids will have to attend a state school, nothing wrong with a state school but I understand if you can afford it then private is always a better option.
However as per another post I do not think you would be liable to pay them, its a choice you make together, if you decide not to pay, then you simply dont, but you will have a choice in which school they do then attend.

However, as she is the one having an affair, then yes, seek legal advice as I would think you should be able to give her very little in terms of spousal support and you might beable to buy her out the house and therefore dont need to pay for her housing either, I have never understood all that spousal stuff.