A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Cannot agree, ex being petty and difficult

  • Whippert
  • Whippert's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
01 Aug 18 #503128 by Whippert
Topic started by Whippert
Ill try and keep this to the point based on facts;

Separated 3 years
Daughter lives with me, 8 years old
Father sees her once a week for 8 hours day time only
No over nights
Very rarely picks up from school and has never taken her to school
No willing to share school holidays or take tine off to spend with her especially during summer

We both work, im part time he is self employed
He hasn’t paid child support for 8 months i have CMS dealing i with this )

Our daughter has increasingly bad anxiety.
She thinks im going to leave her
She thinks im going to fall ill or die.
She is attached to me at the hip when we are out or at home.
She has a strong need to call e throughout the day when im not with her such as when she spends time with my family while im at work. This is extremely hard for me and very draining

Ex doesn’t get any of this as he just doesn’t spend enough time with her to fully see whats happening

After numerous text messages to him asking for days or dates he will be seeing her over the summer with no reply from him I’ve had to request thorough my solicitors to try

The letter was factual and based on real events that have happened.
Ex regularly cancels plans or turns up late to pick her up or early to drop her off. Both of these have a massive impact on her. She thinks he’s forgotten or he’s dead. When he’s early she thinks im late!
The letter states that he need to be more consistent and punctual as its causing her emotioanal harm and basically if it continues, i will cease contact and he will need to gain access through a court order.

His response was very hostile and unfortunately didn’t even acknowledge our daughters anxiety’or emotional wellbeing.

To put it short he has basically said if I don’t like it and his time keeping is such and issue then i have to take her to see him and collect her afterwards as he’s been doing it for 3 years.

I said in happpy to be flexible and drop her off and him bring her back and considering i do all the school runs etc that his request is more than unfair.
He’s not budging and has said i need to taxi her around.
/
So... do i have any options here?
He is refusing to talk to me now about this.

As my efforts to get something in place haven’t worked and he clearly cant see how his actions are impacting her can i just stop contact and tell him to go through the court?

All device welcome please

  • WYSPECIAL
  • WYSPECIAL's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
02 Aug 18 #503133 by WYSPECIAL
Reply from WYSPECIAL
How sad, you are actively encouraging contact and realise it is for your daughters benefit. There are so many people who wish they had an ex who thought like this rather than having to fight for every moment they get with their children.

Unfortunately you can't make you ex see his daughter and it sounds like he is a bully with his demands.

Now he is demanding that you do all the taxiing around, what will be next? Will he be in when you get there or flex his muscles by being late home from somewhere?

  • Clawed
  • Clawed's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
02 Aug 18 #503136 by Clawed
Reply from Clawed
Would taking and collecting your daughter give you more control of the timing and help your daughter feel more secure? Is it a big distance or particularly inconvenient? You can't do anything to change him so really it's a choice of you picking up the slack or no contact, which do you think will benefit your daughter more?

  • Whippert
  • Whippert's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
02 Aug 18 #503139 by Whippert
Reply from Whippert
Thank you both for your replies.

I feel I'm always the one trying to get him to see her more, it's extremely upsetting for me as she wants to see where father but he is unwilling to give her his time. He works unsociable hours, he goes to the gym, out with his friends, on holidays etc. That's fine but I'm concerned that she is bottom of his list and this is now becoming very apparent.
I too work as much as I can, we go on holiday together and so on but I feel he should step up or step away.

He doesn't live far.

I feel, as her father he should make the effort to see her instead of me doing it all the time, such as encouraging contact and having to drive her everywhere.

I'm worried for her mental health. She's extremely fragile and doesn't want to leave mtmside which makes it difficult for me with dropping her to school and her seeing her family when I'm at work.

He says she's not like this with him? Maybe because he doesn't have extended time with her? I don't know..?

With his demands I replied suggesting he collect from school etc then but he replied saying his time keeping is so bad he might not get there in time?!

I suggest today for him to seek a court order so it's fair and with her best interests.

He replied, so you're stopping me seeing my daughter?

It's so pretty... Am I being pretty for the sake of a short journey? Possibly. But from my point of view I've pretty much raised her for the last 3 years by myself. I'm tired exhausted and very stressed and my health is suffering.
I don't want to play the pity card but I'm seriously struggling and he needs to help.

  • WYSPECIAL
  • WYSPECIAL's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
02 Aug 18 #503148 by WYSPECIAL
Reply from WYSPECIAL
You're not being petty. It may only be a short journey but is it the thin end of the wedge?

You know him. Will this be it or will there be another demand.

At some point you will have to say no. You have to decide when.

You are struggling but is this the person to look to for help?

  • Whippert
  • Whippert's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
02 Aug 18 #503150 by Whippert
Reply from Whippert
I feel he should help.i certainly need it and at the moment my parents are doing everything he should be doing.

I don't know who else to turn to

  • Whippert
  • Whippert's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
03 Aug 18 #503151 by Whippert
Reply from Whippert
He just picked her up and tried to get me to sign a piece of paper saying he wasn't late, when I refused he took a photo of our daughter and his watch.
Thought I'd post that as it made me laugh

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11