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Cafcass back in my life, just perfect

  • Primrosepetal
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29 Mar 12 #320719 by Primrosepetal
Topic started by Primrosepetal
Hi Guys!
Partner in court yesterday, not me I stayed well away.
Problems with endless missing contact, his sons mother always says the same thing, over and over again.
''Son doesn''t want to, sick etc'' two years of this, long before partner met me kids 10
No problems with safety issues, but still Cafcass are involved, want to run checks on me and call me why?
Great! What have I done?
Partner went for alternate weekends half of school holidays, one night per week, normal really, has interim contact for this as well,
His sons mother when my partner wanted a whole week of Easter holiday said to the legal person (not a Judge)
''Son will never cope from being away from me that long'' .
We had him for three weeks last summer, so what''s the problem now?
Legal person said ''You both must attend Relate separately'' again why?
I''ve never heard of this before.
His wife oddly enough, yelled ''We should do Relate together not apart'' and started sobbing, partner bewildered, legal person astonished, when she then stomped off out of the court room!.
Someone should remind her that she said ''I don''t love you anymore, get out'' leaving her in a five bedroom detached house in a very expensive area, while partner still pays all the mortgage & bills plus twice CSA calculations maintenence, for two years!
Well that is until last night that is, when I finally snapped.
Sorry irrelevant, just a bit fed up with it all.
So please tell me why am I involved? Why are they being sent to Relate?
What is the point, when Cafcass are fine with his son being here for Easter?
I''ve been through all of this crap myself when my charming hubby wanted Residency of our middle clever kid, not the 15 year old naughty teenage boy or the tantrum prone 6 year old girl. It''s all horrible, feeling as though you are somehow a bad parent, being strutinized by strangers, the second time in two years.:angry:
Am I being mean?

Why is my patience running out?
Thank you:blink:

Grumpy Primrosepetal

  • greebobeebo
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29 Mar 12 #320737 by greebobeebo
Reply from greebobeebo
I feel for you.

I had a CRB check done on me, when my ex was going through family court.

As far as I was concerned, I had nothing to hide so it didn''t matter, it also meant that the powers that be were happy with me.

  • C. J.
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30 Mar 12 #320885 by C. J.
Reply from C. J.

I feel your pain and frustrations as I''m engaged to a guy who has similar issues with his ex.

Another court hearing takes place on Monday but having read your post I am a little worried now as my fiance has put in for shared residence. Does that mean that any partners also get dragged into this?

Do they call you or come round to the home? :S

  • Primrosepetal
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30 Mar 12 #320890 by Primrosepetal
Reply from Primrosepetal
I''m afraid it does, I had no idea that I would become involved until Wednesday.
They could save time and costs I suppose, by looking up my previous records from two years ago.
Still I may have degenerated since then. Morphed into some sort of pond life.
Anyway, from what I remember of Cafcass, I shouldn''t hold my breath
slowest, public funded organisation I ever came across.
The kid will be leaving college by the time they get to me.


  • mumtoboys
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30 Mar 12 #320892 by mumtoboys
Reply from mumtoboys
it''s not unreasonable that if you are living with someone who wants to share the residence of their children that you are ''checked out'', is it? I know it''s annoying but what it does is obstruct any argument around ''she''s not suitable to be near my children'' so CAFCASS can get on and make recommendations which reflect what they see/hear/think/feel rather than what mum says to them....

  • Emma8485
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30 Mar 12 #320895 by Emma8485
Reply from Emma8485
Mumtoboys I absolutely agree. I think in these cases you have to put the boot on the other foot and think what if my children were living with an adult that I knew nothing about?

Ok I dont need to get to know my partners ex, but as a mum whatever else she has done I do think she deserves to know her child is safe around me, plus as MTB says it obstructs any arguments later down the line about "I dont want her near my kids"


  • Primrosepetal
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30 Mar 12 #320901 by Primrosepetal
Reply from Primrosepetal
I do understand that safety checks are vital in family courts.
I''m just miffed this seems to keep happening to me.
Likewise though, if his wife had a ''gentleman caller'' would my partner be entitled to insist on a CRB check?
I know he would never wish to, as it implies that she is unable to make sound judgement and would probably go ballistic.
Can''t imagine asking my husband if I could run a safety check on any lady he may meet.:unsure:


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