I would be grateful if some one could help me with some of these pointers please?
a) How much impact do CAFCASS have on deciding residence and contact
b) Children have witnessed abuse but stbx is making allegations that it is all me. There are no witnesses. I don''t know what children will say and how much of it will impact the proceedings.
c) If the case and records show that I have been physically, financially, emotionally and mentally abused as Courts still do not know how to deal with this, can I lose custody and residency of my children?
d) I feel that I want to reduce contact and how will it be determined
a) CAFCASS are taken very seriously by the Judge and depending on circumstances and welfare of your children they can be considered as the major influence on any judgement. Don''t worry too much about residence. If you already have your kids, they are most likely going to stay with you. All decent men will never remove a child from their mother (unless the mother is a risk to their children).
b) Leave everything as is. The system will work and prise out the truth with its vice-like grip. Never coach children. CAFCASS workers are not fools and they look for coaching. Honesty is the best way.
c) If you are the resident parent and you have been abused then the system will work to protect you and ensure that you keep residence as well take measure to ensure STBX will change behaviours.
1) allegations of DV must be investigated if relevant to the issue of contact.
2) the court will decide if the issues are relevant
3) investigations should take place asap with allegations being tried as a preliminary issue
4) if allegations are found to be true, there is no presumption against contact
5) the decision of contact will be made by applying welfare test and checklist to the circumstances of the case
6) following factors are relevant
- ability of offending parent to recognise past conduct
- offender must be aware of the need to change
- ability of the offender to be able to change
- the offenders reasons for seeking contact (to see the child or mess about with ex)
As long as you have hard medical and police evidence, you should be fine. Never exaggerate and remain honest. The system will work. Be patient.
d) Leave the contact issue and level of it to the judge.
Read up on "Family Procedure Rules" in particular Practice Direction 12J paragraph 3.
How will they deal with emotional and mental abuse and its implications on the children.
The man does not think he has done anything wrong and such matters seem difficult to prove in Court or are they?
Your comment regarding mother risk to the children is what he is stating. I never called th police or told anyone about what he was doing to me.
I am now in more therapy. Could the fact that I am now in therapy and the reasons of my conduct because of his behaviour help me in the Courts? Do I regret it? Yes, I am beginning to regret my marriage.
Sorry to have asked more questions.
Thank you again.
how old are your children? who do they live with now? how long have you been separated? do you work or are you at home at the moment?
The fact you are in therapy as a result of the abuse your ex inflicted on you isn''t something that is going to go against you, providing that your care for the children is otherwise all going well - children in school on time? homework done? younger children attending nursery/preschool/playgroup? children being fed regularly? children wearing clean clothes and being washed regularly?
It''s really very diffcult to remove children from their mother - there are plenty of men here who will tell you that. My ex is a psycho(therapist) with years of clinical experience and he tried the ''in my professional opinion my ex is mentally ill, violent and should never be in charge of children'' line. He didn''t get anywhere with it - judge told him he too would be a ''little bit mentally ill'' if he''d been through what I''d been through. I wish I could say it shut the ex up - it didn''t, such things go over his head, he hears only what he wants to.
Try not to worry. I suspect there is little chance of you losing residence of your children.
If you admit to something and show you are doing something about it. Most likely you will not lose your children. No parent is perfect. The best among us realise this and try to better ourselves.
The only cases where i have read where the judge has changed residence is where some nasty women have falsely accused fathers or near relatives of paedophilia or have gone against lots of court orders.
Just obey the law, you will be untouchable. The law is there to protect the vulnerable. Remember that.