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  • Lovemychild
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10 Sep 12 #354920 by Lovemychild
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I had my first hearing which was pointless,Cafcass guy knew nothing about my case as the apparent CAFCASS officer who only rang me 2 days before my hearing was in another hearing.He basically told me to take what I could get otherwise it could get dragged out forever.My ex wife wanted everything the opposite to what I was requesting,No compromise as usual just her way or nothing.
I wanted extra contact she wanted me to have less.
My ex is now saying that my daughters behaviour at school has been naughty and its only when the day after at school the nights she has slept at my house.I have collected my daughter at least a miimum of 1 night per week and sometimes upto 3 days from school in the last 2 years but now my ex is wanting to prevent this stateing that my 5 year old daughters behaviour problems at school are caused by her sleeping at my house.The judge asked her to file a statement about these aligations but my ex''s statement barely even mentions these aligations. The cafcass man said she had a school report which mentioned her bahaviour being naughty but has not mentioned in which period of time from Sept - July but I have knew about my daughter being disruptive at school around the Feb time period as my ex and me kept in constant contact with each other and her teachers about her behaviour at that time and how we were going to deal with it etc. But this was also around the time my ex''s new boyfriend moved in and her nana died. I have not seen a copy of the school report as yet. So how do I reply to her statement?Which only really goes on about how I apprantly dont bother with my daughter etc and a whole load of other lies and my ex contradicts herself in it a lot of times.I unsure how to reply, She even states that my 5 year old daughter has asked not to see me as much as she used to, And that my ex is willing to allow my daughter to see me more in the future if she asks to do so? She is 5 years old and somne of the things my ex has stated that my daughter is saying is absoulute nonsence.Any advice would be much appreciated.

  • zonked
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10 Sep 12 #354928 by zonked
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I can sense your dissapoitment, but keep in mind this was only a first hearing. You were never going to win the day in one hit. Take a step and consider what''s been achieved so far.

1. You have some court ordered contact. Every ladder has a bottom rung. From this point you need to slowly work your way up.

2. The ex has to write a statment. She will need to define her position and by doing so she may well show herself in a bad light.

3. You get to write your own statment. You can use this as a means to put forward child centred arguements and present yourself as a positive caring father.

My advice is to firstly join families need fathers. They are excellent at providing advice and support, especially around court stuff.

It may take several hearings before you eventually reach the level of parenting time that''s needed. At the start, your going to feel powerless but as the process moves on that changes.

  • Lovemychild
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10 Sep 12 #354938 by Lovemychild
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Thank you for your quick response,I will have a look into families needs fathers website. Yes you are right I suppose a little of me was just wishing it would have been like the mediation, But the mediator did help me alot as she could see how controling my ex was with me.My ex hasnt done herself many favours in her staement as it clearly states she obvisouly still wants all the control, After 2 year of collecting my daughter from school so there was as little contact between us needed and due to past conflict whilst collecting my daughter from her house in which I have once even had to call the police about her for.She now has stated in the statement that she wants me to collect her from her house at 5pm which is right in the middle of rush hour traffic as she knows and we have a set routine in our house of our tea time being at 5pm every night for my other son who lives with us, But she is not understanding that we also have set routines in place already which my children are used to.The courts have said in the mean time being until the next hearing I can see my daughter on tea time contact and a weekend contact if my ex hasnt got plans when asked if I could have her that first weekend by the judge my ex stated she had plans bearing in mind I hadnt seen my daughter in 10 weeks and that was meant to be my mediation agreed weekend but yet she had "made plans" so the judge said well what about tea time contact that first week and she said yes but only on the nights she didnt have any plans and she said I wasnt allowed to collect her form school the judge asked why not and my ex replied as it was our daughters first week back at school she did not want our daughter getting confused so it was arranged I would collect our daughter from her house with it being her first week back at school.I just thought this was just for the first week only- which to my ex''s delight she has took great pleasure in controling this situation, She is only allowing me to collect my daughter from her house only at 4:30pm and I have to return my daughter at 6:45pm which I have asked her why can''t I collect her from school this week like my daughter is used too and I have recieved many silly excuses to why she is not allowing this- 1 being that my daughter will get "confused" by me collecting her from school.I feel my daughter is more confused as to why I am collecting her from her house and not her school and why she is not being allowed to sleep over at my house and why am I having to return her when she is used to her routine with us of her homework time,bath time, supper time bed time story time etc.
I have stated to my ex that it is 45 minutes on the bus to her house 45 miutes back again and this only leaves me very little time with my daughter nevermind making her tea etc and as she wants to play out with her friends in the street etc.But my ex is having none of it so the tea time contact is just not working.
I do hope the courts see what is best for my daughter and I know thats just what she is wanting nothing has been decided as yet.Its just really hard from going from collecting her froms chool having that contact with her teachers and getting all the little paitings/drawings etc to nothing due to her just wanting that last little bit of control.

  • Joe2020
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10 Sep 12 #354963 by Joe2020
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zonked wrote:

My advice is to firstly join families need fathers. They are excellent at providing advice and support, especially around court stuff.


I def second that.

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