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Is it not wise to leave it for now

  • delta123
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26 Sep 12 #357986 by delta123
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I am in court n hav been recently as my ex won''t allow me to c my son n daughter 15 n 11 two yrs on now I am a full time msc student n hav been considering to vacate upcoming court hearings coz:
1 I feel at the moment it''s not helpful as my children may well still b hurting from what happened to their parents
2 we don''t talk with my ex it''s all thru her soli n am self rep n so she has the upper hand with the children at the moment as they live with her she also believe i am a poison to my children n so thats why she is frustrating all contacts at the moment. She hates me she is bitter with me my family n her family too. But she is a good mother n she is a responsible mother even tho she has walked away from our other Daughter 18yrs old coz they clashed big time at the time we split up she hasn''t bothered to contact her to date she was only 15yrs my baby was
Now I feel the court hearings are not helping at the moment as the children are growing old as well n my hope is to let them carry on with their life n perhaps wen they hav their true social lives we will b in touch now I only write them letters thru her soli n would want to continue contact at this level
Can any child expert pliz advise the best course of action to take I am in a dilemma now

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26 Sep 12 #357989 by delta123
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In view of what I just wrote my dilemma is whether to cancell all future court hearings or not at this stage almost 6 mths since we started hearings her best friend is the woman I cheated with n she has managed to convince my children the ones who live with her, that it is not true coz she does not believe me wen l say that I had an affair with her best friend

  • happyagain
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26 Sep 12 #358032 by happyagain
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Delta, your ex is obviously still very angry about what happened and rightly so. The 2 people closest to her betrayed her.
However, that is in the past now and enough time has lapsed for things to be moving in the right direction. Your ex has no right to punish the children for what you did to her. I certainly struggle with your description of her as a good mum if she has made no effort to contact your eldest these past 2 years.
You do not know what is happening in the home but if you do not attempt to secure contact with your younger children then they will always hold that against you. Even if they do not wish to see you right now, that will change in time and they will be hurt that you maintained a relationship with the eldest but did not fight for them.

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26 Sep 12 #358040 by delta123
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right. by good mother I meant the court has also accepted that view wen the judge said to me you are a lucky man to have Ur children looked after that way by Ur ex. obviously I have been struggling myself with her attitude to the difficulties we were going thru but I felt she managed to make the two kids adapt in the new environment at the CafCass report said the kids were doing fine in sch n at home I can see where u r coming from the too people that disappointed her one is still her best friend n she still insist that I lied about the affair with her n that''s why they''re still friends even tho I know wat happened
I really wanted to continue court hearings so l can hav court allow my ex to make the kids available for me n their siblings to see each other but was not sure whether its worth it at all

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27 Sep 12 #358154 by delta123
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Anyone else who can help with some more advise and the right course of action as I am in a dilemma

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27 Sep 12 #358163 by Elphie
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I''m not in the best position to advise as I haven''t been in your position, but for what it''s worth I would keep fighting, as lit if need be. They say actions speak louder than words, and in years to come if you stop, your children might well see that as evidence that you didn''t care. If you keep fighting, then they will see for themselves that you do want to see them, and it won''t be long before they are able to make their own decisions (and by that, I don''t mean just have their wishes and feelings taken into account in a report, but actually leave the house, get on a bus and come visit you whenever they want)

IMO the only way to show them that your door is always open, is to keep fighting for them. Xx

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27 Sep 12 #358171 by delta123
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Very helpful thoughts there thank you so much if anyone has something to add or a different opinion please do so

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