I have just had a DNA test for myself and my 9 year old son.
My impression is that this area of our legal system appears to assume ''guilty unless proven otherwise''. My reasons for saying this are that the ex can go to court with a completely spurious reason for challenging paternity and I have to comply fully otherwise it is assumed that I have something to hide and the ex is perhaps not the father of my son after all.
Bearing in mind that my son is 9 years old and the ex has never challenged paternity before, even having money taken from his wages by his employer as directed by the CSA for the last 4 years.
Now I have to attend court 3 times, wasting 2 days of my life just to provide the ''proof'' that the ex must pay his maintenance. I know the answer to the question of paternity already, and nothing is going to change once the DNA results are in. He is the genetic father and he is responsible for paying maintenance.
The ex annoyed the judge, even resulting in him being asked to leave the court room and yet still, he has to have his DNA test and I have to comply.
This is NOT RIGHT! I have done NOTHING WRONG, yet I have to undergo the same test as my son to reassure the ex that he has to pay maintenance. I have been divorced for several years, yet still he can cause disruption and trouble and force the issue.
DNA tests should not be allowed under these circumstances. The rules should state, and be made clear from the start, that a test must be done at the start of maintenance payments, otherwise the person paying should put up and shut up.
I want the ex out of my life as he is a waste of space. Yet all he has to do is bleat that he thinks he isn''t the father and we are on the merry-go-round all over again.
He said that the CSA told him to go to court. I asked them about it and was told that they only get involved with DNA tests at the start of maintenance cases, not 4 years in, as mine is. I wrote to the CSA, and asked for my letter to be put on file, that I would cooperate as any stage with a DNA test as I have, indeed, nothing to hide. They have my letter, it made no difference - he still demanded the test via the court.
Yes he is causing trouble, but I have no choice but to comply, because a refusal is considered to be an admission of ''guilt''. By refusing, I could potentially lose my maintenance payments which are essential for me to look after my son properly and support my older son who is at University. Their father does sweet Fanny Adams for either of his kids. Money is the only thing he can do and he wants to skive out of that as well.
Thanks for your post on DNA testing. We appreciate that undertaking a DNA test can be both stressful and upsetting for both parents and in your circumstances, may seem to have been a waste of your time, as your ex had been paying child maintenance previously.
However, it is important that in instances where there is any degree of doubt about the parentage of a child, a DNA test is carried out (the test will prove to a 99.9% probability that someone is the parent). Hopefully, if the test confirms that your ex is the father of your child this will prevent any future disputes
With regard to having DNA tests only at the start of child maintenance payments, there are occasions where DNA tests are necessary after many years of regular child maintenance arrangements being paid, due to new information becoming available to either parent and/or the CSA.
There was no doubt that my ex was/is the father of my son. The point I am making is that he can decide, on a whim, with no reasonable excuse or new evidence or with a fictitious reason that he has ''doubts'', and cause me to waste 3 days of my life pandering to his paranoia.
He had no reason to believe he is not genetically the father of my son. His reason given at the court was that I deceived him by taking money out of our joint account without his knowledge and that this had just come to light. My apparent deceit regarding his precious cash wasn''t even questioned, leading me to believe that a man can, on a whim, cause trouble for everyone by demanding a DNA test WITH NO GOOD REASON.
Had he called in to the bank, as I did, to check out these amounts he would have seen why they were moved from one account to another. Alternatively, he could have showed some interest in the family finances at the time, then he would have known where the money went. He has accused me of stealing over £100,000 from our joint account. If he believed this to be true, he should have taken it up with the police, not demanded a DNA test. Again, he could have asked the bank and got a simple explanation, as I did when his solicitor accused me of stealing 2 years ago.
Where was the evidence then? Did another man tell him he thought he was the father of my son? No. Did I claim on facebook that he wasn''t the father? No. Did his family tell him they had seen me speaking to another man? No. Was I having an affair at the time of conception? No. (He was the first to play away, and this was long after my son was born).
The system is wrong to pander to men who try to evade paying maintenance by bleating about their ''doubts'' regarding parentage. However, I fear there will be no change in my lifetime, because after all, money is the only thing that matters.