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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


extra for swimming lessons. i pay maint without fa

  • chatsworth08
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04 Jun 12 #334934 by chatsworth08
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Hello. need a little help and advice. ive been seperated a few years now and have paid full maintenance from day 1. even paid when i was still living the house but sleeping in the conservatory. anyway my question is...........do i have to pay any extras for my son? Hes 5 years old and like i said above i pay maintenance. you see i struggle as it is, i rent and pay bills and get by like lots of people. but the ex said its my turn to pay for his school swimming lessons. i said i pay the normal amount every month. she says thats just normal dad to day money for him. i said its what i have to pay. so she said lots of fathers contribute to their childrens education. i said i pay as usual and i cant give you what i havnt got. i did feel like saying.....fathers have their kids sleep overnight and go on holidays and have fathers days together, but i didnt. but she kept on and on. i said when i see my son, i feed him, i buy clothes for him, we go out to places like thomas land, farm prks, swimming, fairs, get dvds and toys. she said so what thats just day to day. now shes making me feel guilty. its a private agreement we have, its not through the csa. i cant give what i havnt got. swimming or no swimming. i know its got nothing to do with it but.....asking for extra and in her 400 grand house .

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04 Jun 12 #334935 by blonde cazza
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I dont think you have to pay extra other then what you agreed.I get about 20 pounds over what csa recommend from my ex but to be honest its just over 10 pounds a day and that doesnt go far to pay for all the things they need.I had to buy a new bike for my son recently and as a result my ex wouldnt contribute towards it but to pay 130 out of the 350 is a huge amount especially when i earn alot less then him in the first place.I think its down to you if you want to help out.

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04 Jun 12 #334939 by chatsworth08
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Thanks. i wld love to help but simply cant afford it. i havnt done anything wrong at all. im just doing the best i can. the ex nearly earns the same as me. she lives with her mum and fella in a big 4 bed house. not that that has anything to do with it. but shes obsessed with money. she already wont let him sleep coz she knows she will loose money if it happens on a regular basis. she has done and is still using my son against me sometimes. its sad i know. shrs the one who left me. just coz i cant afford £17 she going down the other fathers help route. i pay the correct amount every month. nuy toys and lots of things i cant really afford. but doing the guilt thing is wrong. hes 5 and already tells me wot mummy says aboit me. i just say shes joking. i never say anything about her coz i know he wld go back and say it. she indeed is a control freak and keeps on and on at me. what a shame she has to be like this. i will help of i can. it means my son will miss out when we have time together. then i get a rollocking for not doing anything with him. cant do right for doing wrong.

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04 Jun 12 #334940 by blonde cazza
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If you cant afford it then dont pay anymore.You do need to think of the times you have him and we all know kids arent cheap!Never use thewm as a bargaining tool either cos that is wrong.I hope it gets better!

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04 Jun 12 #334942 by chatsworth08
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Thanks. i know im doing the right thing. No matter what she says to my son i need my money to make sure we have a fantastic time when we are together. i see him 3 times a week and it can get expensive. still no over nights, but im hopefull as he gets older he will stay. kids arnt stupid, and hes a bright spark i can tell you. love him millions and billions. chats.

  • MrsMathsisfun
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04 Jun 12 #334961 by MrsMathsisfun
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Why are you still not getting overnight stays?

Are you in the process of applying for more contact?

I would be saying. When my son stays overnight, I will continue to pay the same amount of CSA and as I will be sharing some of the costs, you will have enough money to pay for the extras.

Sorry but your still letting the ex have her cake and eat it.

Waiting for your son to choose just isnt going to happen. The longer you leave it the less change he will ever stay overnight.

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04 Jun 12 #334986 by chatsworth08
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She is such a bully to me. she lets him call the shots. even when ive told him off he doesnt see me for weeks at my house, when that happens she says im horrible to him. i havent been horrible to him at all but he tells her i have and she backs him up all the time. been thru CAFCASS once and she says if i take her to court she will have me. i havnt done anything wrong. but she hates the fact im still bothering with seeing my son. silly i know, but she just wont let up on normal things like sleeping over. i know she will tell lies in court. thats her all over. shes done it before and im not going thru cafcass agreeing with her. im not violent at all. no police record and i dont drink. and she wont go back to mediation. shes just a bully and controlling person.

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