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Changed child contact order

  • malee30
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14 Jan 08 #10617 by malee30
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Hi all,

Could do with some advice really.

My divorce has now passed the Nisi stage without really any problems. The child contact arrangements were agreed & approved by the courts as part of the Nisi.

It is agreed that I will have my 2 kids every other weekend & 2 evenings every week. Now this has been working fine with no problems, until now.

Out of the blue she informed me this weekend that I wont be having the kids for the 2 evenings now, only every other weekend, and that is how it is going to be. Her solicitor has said that this can be done without my input.

Well to say I am a bit p**sed off is an understatement.

So my question is, can she do this without even consulting me or informing the courts?

Thanks in advance.

  • loobyloo
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14 Jan 08 #10618 by loobyloo
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All i can tell you is that in court it was consented that my x2b was to have the children one weekend a month that being the 1st weekend each month... since june he has had them once...and i cant do a thing about it... beats me why they bother doing court orders for child contact
hope of some help

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14 Jan 08 #10625 by IKNOWNOW
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It is my belief that you would now have to apply to the court for a contact order if you cannot sort this out between yourselves. On the down side to that is the fact that the court does not like to grant an order purely because they believe no order is better and that after orders are granted they are still not adhered to and there is a long process to do anything about this. A court in the first instance would probably suggest mediation to sort the matter out or discussion through your solicitors. There is also the cost implications, which I know should not matter when it is about seeing your children but not sure whether spending the money would actually get you anywhere.

I am having to apply to the courts for a defined contact order to get my x2b to behave appropriately during contact. He has currently withdrawn contact and I am now offering him time with them at a Contact Centre (although I don't believe he will take me up on it). My youngest is only a year old and the longer he leaves it, she will not want to see him; she already gets distressed when she has to spend time with him.

It is so hard to try and explain to the children why their daddy doesn't want to see them. Children of 1, 3, 5, 9 & 11 yo. I don't slag him off to them and have always been amicable (I have an injunction in place owing to the abuse he has given me in front of my children, especially the youngest 2) but he is unable to behave appropriately.

It hurts me to think that there are dads out their desperate to see their children and can't, yet mine doesn't give a damn about his actions but I have to roll over and let him have what he wants.

I wish you luck Malee, sorry not sure where you go from here. Hope you can talk this through and find out why she wants to change the contact agreement.

Regards, Sarah

  • malee30
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14 Jan 08 #10628 by malee30
Reply from malee30
Sarah, thanks for your reply.

You are right the cost isnt really an issue, but will it get anywhere? Probably not!!

I think the way forward is to talk, but since christmas relations have been a bit frosty, not really sure why, but I think she may have meet someone else, & is now realising that her new romance would be easier if I wasnt around so much. (picking the kids up etc)

Strange how this divorce hell seems to be going smoothly!! then takes a dip for the worse.


  • Jo2008
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14 Jan 08 #10632 by Jo2008
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Talk yes but don't lose site of the fact that you have a court order, whilst for most men its not worth the paper its written on you have to persevere. My husband has not seen his children for several years because it started as they can't come out today they have a party to go to, or one of them is ill and the other won't go on their own. Or she would send them out with him on a winters day with no coats on so that he had to take them back early or buy them new coats. He went back to court several times and whilst everyone was very sympathetic they won't inforce the order. My husband was assaulted by her on one occasion, sworn at generally abused by her or memebers of her family if they are there, and this all went on in front of his children so in the end he felt the kids were the ones suffering and threw in the towel. Now the swedish system where if the wife does not comply with the order then she has to attend the police station on a friday the husband collects the children and she is jailed for the weekend. This prevents her from harassing the husband or the children.

  • Dragon beware
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14 Jan 08 #10664 by Dragon beware
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If your ex varies a court order you wait 3 months for a hearing, the Judge says oh dear perhaps a lesser order will work. So you walk out of court with less contact.

The ex then varies that arrangement, you wait 3 months for a hearing, the judge says oh dear perhaps a lesser order will work. So you walk out of court with less contact.

In 15 months i went from an order with 2 children staying with me every other weekend, to an order that i could take them out for tea every two weeks. I threw in the towel, and guess what because i withdrew the application for contact i paid her legal fees. On the steps of the court each time as we left her solicitor was varying the order just granted and you can do absolutely nothing about it.

Great system in the UK you actually pay not to see your children and then the CSA take the shirt off your back.

  • madaboutcars
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14 Jan 08 #10670 by madaboutcars
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Dont know if i can be much help here but i think that you can go through your solicitor and in the first instance, they write a letter to your x2b solicitor, stating that the court order has been broken (doing this myself at the moment!), and apparently if she ignores the request to reinstate the contact you can then apply to the courts.
Yes, its gonna be a long expensive road but my Daughter is my world and worth every single penny.
Good luck mate

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