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can kids choose who to live with ?

  • Striker
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24 Jan 08 #11682 by Striker
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Hi,
is there an age where a child can choose which parent they prefer to live with - all other things being equal ?

My guess is courts always give custody to Mum's but if kids want to be with their Dad, are their wishes taken into account ??

Appreciate any wisdom or experience !

  • Fiona
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24 Jan 08 #11686 by Fiona
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Children's wishes need to be taken into account in decision making and weight will be given according to their age and maturity. It's not fair though to put children in the position of having to choose between parents.

  • Monitor441
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24 Jan 08 #11689 by Monitor441
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Why do they have to chose?

Why not shared care, where they live an equal amount of time with both parents?

Mon

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24 Jan 08 #11701 by Striker
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Sure - agree with that. In fact, my question was more in that direction. ie if they want to split time 50:50, can my s2bx stop them from being with me ? I've heard of lots of tricks eg the kids have to share a room with Dad - so can't go, they have a club near Mum on Friday night - so can't go, etc

Equal share would be wonderful and I know that's what the kids want (without asking directly) but I am scared that s2bx will play games to get 90% of time.

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24 Jan 08 #11702 by Monitor441
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I share care of my two kids (12 & 9) on a 50/50 basis week on week off. Post on here any questions or send me a PM and I will respond. It is the best of both worlds as I have a week with my kids and then a week of me. It is tough to set up and needs constant planning but I wouldn't change it for the world

Mon

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24 Jan 08 #11706 by rdcox
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I went through all this recently following our acrimonious separation. My ex tried to take the children to live with herself and her new partner 120 miles away, uprooting them completely. The children wanted to remain with me and stay in the same school, live in the same area etc (they are 2 girls of 9 and 6). It all went through the courts - CAFCASS were very good and recommended they stay with me as both my children felt very strongly about it and repeatedly told them that when interviewed. We do actually have shared residency now though I have them for school term time, 3 out of 8 weekends and 50% of the holidays. CAFCASS and the courts will listen to what the children want but ultimately its about keeping a level on consistency in their lives that they want. I would imagine that if you are living in the same area they will probably look at close to 50% care each. Hope this helps.

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24 Jan 08 #11723 by GSS
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Hi

I am about to go through CAFCASS and I know my x2b is going to play the game that she has looked after the children all their lives while I was at work - apparently having nothing to do with bringing up and caring for the children.
She has my 11 year old wrapped around her little finger but my 16 year old is keeping out of it.
Will CAFCASS be able to see behind this game and false claims even if she has coached the 11 year old into believing the thoughts are her own.
I would love to have a 50/50 arrangement but fear I will end up with minimal contact - every other weekend or something - due her manipulation.
Hoping CAFCASS can get to the real truth and the children's wishes.

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