Collecting the kids

My wife is refusing to let me collect my kids saying that I have to arrnge for my parents to pick them up/drop them off form the marital home. She has also stopped me taking my son to nursery on the mornings I have him. My parents are being put out by this and I really need some way to put a stop to it. Any suggestions??

monkey,

This is a difficult one to advise on as you know your wife best and what she will respond to.

Were there problems when you did collect the kids from the house? Did you end up arguing?

Maybe she just doesn't like the constant reminder of you being there every morning - she might be trying to get over you and thats difficult if she sees you every morning.

I know its common for dads at pick up / drop off time to stay in the car at the top of the drive so the kids can be sent out with no contact at all between the two parents.

I can only suggest that in the first instance you talk to her, or maybe slip a note through the door with a positive suggestion for a solution.

I think that any threats or suggestion of enforcing contact in this situation may be counter productive.

Many dads dont see their kids at all so you are in an enviable position and its best to be as positive as you can to maintain as good as possible a relationship with your wife.

Lulu,

Thanks for your reply.

Strangley enough my wife has just decided to let me take the kids to nursery again. I'm not sure what changed her mind, but I'm pleased.

To answer your question we had our ups and downs when I used to collect the kids but on the whole everything was ok. But as soon as the Decree Nisi came through she went a bit funny by calling me all the time threatening me and threatening to come to my work to show me up etc... Her behaviour to me and others around me was getting increasingly disturbing so in pure desperation I had to call the Police who had a word with her. Since then she has refused to talk to me or see me. I know it was a drastic step but I feared someone else might involve the Police and take things further.

Anyway, as I cannot communicate with my wife in any form....and I've tried text messages and emails along with phone calls...it is becoming increasingly hard for me to see an end to this. I'm due to move into rented accomodation soon and my major concern is that my parents will still have to go out of their way to collect the kids when I will be about 1/2 mile down the road....

Anyway I'll keep you posted on how it goes......

Hi Monkey, do you have an order stating how the arrangements are set out?If you do you can ask that the arrangement be amended and you can ask for the kids to be dropped to you,if this isn't reasonable only alternative is to have access where you see them at a special centre.I take it they stay with you overnight etc? if so this wouldn't be an option! All you can do is stay with it and dont say anything to your ex when picking/dropping kids off,all well and good to say you should maintain a good relationship for the sake of the kids,from experience this isn't always an option!!! Better to say nothing when they behave that way than get embroiled in a slanging match in front of the kids.
I hope you can get this sorted,just bear with it and i'm sure she will calm down and things should settle. As she does i am hopeful that she will see that you enjoy your time with the kids and so do they with you,at least then she may stop behaving like a kid herself and be more of an adult!! Take care.

<br><br>Post edited by: tigstheterror, at: 2007/05/15 16:01

HI Monkey,
Sorry that you are having a rough time, I am at the other end of the stick from you.
My children cannot go to their fathers house, and he is not allowed at the family home this is due to his aggreive behaviour infornt of the children, its all to do with finances.
He would not attend the local CAFCASS building to spend time with his ds, so I compromised and drop her off at his parents with the rule that he is not there 15 mins before or after the drop off and pick up.
Could you not maybe suggest that she drop your children off at your parents and go for the 15 min each way rule. An extra 30 mins is added to his contact time to compensate, but d also gets special time with grandparents.