Am discussing my time with my children (boys 8, 8 & 5) with my wife, hoping to get agreement without expensive court action and cementing hatred.
I'd like to have the children full-time but I won't win.
I'd then like the children 50/50, but my wife won't have this and I won't win.
I'm asking for EOW (48hrs/2 nights), half holidays and one evening (say 3 hrs on Weds) but she's saying 1 night EOW.
My sol says I'm being reasonable (but she probably would say that). I'd like a little more comfort before going to court.
Does anyone have a good idea what a 'going rate' is for a dedicated father in the courts these days?
There is no going rate as such but the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service practice guidelines for 6-9 year olds suggest that two or three consecutive overnight stays on alternate weekends or even weekly, might work satisfactorily and 3-5 year olds can manage 2 consecutive overnight stays without too much disruption.
Court is to be avoided if at all possible, it causes resentment and resistence which can escalate into years of a vicious cycle of provocation and retaliation which is so detrimental to children's emotional wellbeing. mediation and compromise is a much better way forward. Or even family counselling which is now offered by Relate in some areas.
Do you know why your wife objects to your proposal?
Hi JLG'sDAD... I am in a simular position, I have 2 and if you look on forum on another post of mine, I have found out that you need to apply for Joint Residency, even if this guarantee's you 48 hours a week with kids, it will be harder for the mother to change later on.
My concern is once a new man moves on in, they will probably hate my guts and then try to take control, this is where people get bitter and then kids lose out... I know its bad but it does seem to happen a lot.
I personally want my kids for 2 whole days/nights and one evening in the week, with regard to school terms I have not even thought about that and as I work I guess it is harder to have them half of that time.
I would also want holidays with them abroad as I ain't paying for wife and some other guy to go!
Men really do get a raw deal in divorce and kids, and I think a lot of it is to do with guys who just desert when divorced and give no help whatsoever... I would never stop CM and never turn down wife for reasonable extras for kids as my kids, but I guess courts don't know that and take more precautions.
I think Joint Residency is a good start even if 2 days/nights a week, it also gives her a good break too.
"My concern is once a new man moves on in, they will probably hate my guts and then try to take control"
Oh dear. Remember â€œfear of loss is a path to the dark side" (Yoda, Starwars)
If there's a new partner they might be concentrating on new found love and you would gain more time with the children. Take each day as it comes but rest assured no one will come between you and your children as long as you don't become a miserable s*d and they enjoy staying with you.
I'd love to be able to avoid court, but my wife's aggressive and hostile behaviour has to be seen to be believed. No way will she give me what I think is fair, even if a judge says so, so I'm expecting years of agony and frustration to see my kids.
Common sense and teamwork have not been part of her repertoire for several years now (divorce has come as a relief to me:) ). Her interpretation of teamwork is that she is the boss and the rest of the team work. As to helping, she wouldn't get wet to save me from drowning.
I'm hanging on in the house to see and protect my kids and to protect my position. I'm still a useful source of money it seems.
Neither of us has a prospective partner. I would be interested to see what my wife does (a woman partner is possible) and there is no room for a woman in my life as my kids take priority.
Of course, I could be wrong about my wife. It could all be my fault and I'm delusional, which I'm sure is what she'll claim in court. We'll see.
Thanks for reading,