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Introducing children to my new home

  • BigAl
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10 Aug 07 #1868 by BigAl
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Hi all,

I am in the early stages of my divorce and I have just found somewhere to live, my soon to be ex insists on viewing my new property and even introducing the children to it herself.

I know that I must be patient to let the children come to terms (Girl 12 and Boy 10) with our divorce but knowing my STBEx as I do (14 yrs married) she is only interested in seeing the flat for herself.

The question is can I deny her seeing the flat and just get the children to bring a camera if she wants to see it? She has already forced the address out of me and I know that she will have googled the address and figured out who let it to me and seen any details still left on the letting agents website.

Any assistance is appreciated

Big Al

  • scottishlady
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10 Aug 07 #1872 by scottishlady
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Hi Al....
To be honest I really don't see that your x2b has any reason to ask to see your new home....
The only reason that I would think could be justified would be to ensure that it was 'suitable' for children to spend time in... and, as the childrens father, you are highly unlikely to bring your children into anywhere 'unsuitable'...
Personally, I think if it were me, I would 'put my foot down'....and maybe just explain to her that you don't see any valid reason why should need to see your new home...

  • Sera
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10 Aug 07 #1880 by Sera
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I agree, it sounds like her just being nosey. Your kids are old enough to speak for themselves, and if there was a problem, (like they don't like the wallpaper!) they'd soon enough speak up, and get you down to Homebase for the latest line in Bratz covering.

This is your new 'sanctuary' following the chaos of a breakdown. I would suggest though, that for the kids sake, you keep on good terms. When I divorced, and got my first flat, he dropped our kid, and to show a 'united front', I invited him in for a cuppa. (Big smiles from our 10 yr-old son)... and big 'Gold star' on head to me!

Me: "Would you like a cup of tea"?

Ex: "Only if it's Earl Grey" .........:evil:

Me: "Despite that you cost me millions in fees, I can still afford Earl Grey....would you like a biscuit"?
(More smiles from son)....

Ex: "Only if it's a chocolate covered biscuit"!


Anywayz, how you co-parent is up to you. She's going to be in your life anyway for a few more years, (as kids mum), so contain your urge to throttle her, and get the kettle on!

  • sexysadie
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10 Aug 07 #1888 by sexysadie
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I agree that she is just being nosey but I would let her in just the once for the sake of the children.

While it's a pain that she will use her knowledge of your address to find out things you would prefer her not to, I think it's fair enough for her to know where you are living, if the children are going to be visiting you there. It will also be useful for things like forwarding your mail, etc.


  • Sera
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11 Aug 07 #1895 by Sera
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Just the once, (for the kids sake) is a good idea.

There will be neutral grounds you'll always meet on, (I'd sit next to my sons dad at school events, parents evenings,sports days etc). We co-parented for eight years after divorce.

Once you're more settled into your new life, you may change the rules a bit, I had my son one Xmas eve through to Xmas lunch. His dad came to take him to his house for the evening, and when he came by, I invited him to join us for Xmas tea.
When the dust has settled, you'll find a balance. Hopefully it'll be a harmonious one. But don't let her nosiness interfere with your life.

My ex asked me to fo to a Family centre, (to talk about how we'd parent our son).... when we got there, he started going on about my holidays with my new boyfriend: The mediator told him it was none of his business how his ex-wife conducted her life!!!

So, if she comes in once - fine. If she expects to always march over your threshold, nip-it-in-the-bud!

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