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Should I let him have staying contact?

  • IKNOWNOW
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25 Aug 07 #2409 by IKNOWNOW
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Where does the line start & finish - Alcoholic or Teetotal. He doesn't drink when he wakes up in the morning, it would be very unusual for him not to drink every day, if he's not working he will probably start drinking at lunch time (tenants super 4.5units a can), even if he only had 2 cans a day that would be 63 units a week. I would class that as a drink problem. He won't admit to having a problem. Doctors have suggested on a number of occassions that he drinks too much and he wouldn't have told them that he drinks 60 units a week. It's the drinking; the money issues, the gambling, the lies they are all intertwined! Maybe I'm taking the moral highground but I don't want my children thinking this is normal. Me & the children are second best but he controls us because he can't control himself. I wish I knew the answer as to what is best for my children in the short & long term because I live for my children. He has no consistency; he is like Jeckyll & Hyde. This is really eating me up - I know in my heart that divorcing him is right for myself & the children but it's the aftermath that I'm scared about. Please post some thought provoking advice.

  • sexysadie
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26 Aug 07 #2415 by sexysadie
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I think the real issue for you may not be whether or not your ex has a drink problem. I think what really matters is that you feel that he is controlling you. Realising this and separating from him are a good start, but from my own experience, coming out from under that control is hard and you can find yourself sliding back quite easily, particularly if he uses the children as part of his control tactics. You have to try and keep steadfast and think always of the children and hang on in there.

Good luck!

Sadie

  • shazza32
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26 Aug 07 #2416 by shazza32
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hi if i knew then. my ex is a total arse and he is backing livin with his mum and 2 brothers in a 3 bed house,when he first left he did not want the children and if he did it was a fri night only,my son slept in bed with his dad and my daughter in bed with her nana.my ex has prob with drugs ie pills and coke,he no thet but his mum said im a liar,and he lost so much weight.The thing is my children have seen so much rowin, him hitting me since he gone,but they still want to see there dad,which has now gone to ever other weekend, and i cant stop them,they love him no matter what he has done to all of us, so now i dont stop them,but i no in time when they get older they will no what kind of a man he really is,and that they have come to that decision by themselves,with no bad mouthing from me.good luck

  • IKNOWNOW
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26 Aug 07 #2418 by IKNOWNOW
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It is everything. I'm worried for my children if they stay and he drinks - I would only allow 2 eldest at a push I suppose because they can at least fend for themselves a bit. I still have issues about him house sharing & where the children would actually sleep etc. He's not trying to come to any arrangements re: contact really just moans about what he thinks he wants. I can see this being long & drawn out unless his solicitor gives him some decent advice and tells him to take a long, hard look at himself and actually think about his children for once instead of being so selfish; but why would he change the habit of a lifetime? The story of my marriage is going to turn into the story of my divorce - why should I expect anything else from him!
Thanks for everyone's comments so far.

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