maintenance and holidays

I need some help!

Ive been divorced 4 years, its not an amicable divorce and there is little communication. My 2 children live with me. We have a court order in place regarding access, which last year we changed (after many heated discussions) to suit the needs of the children better, their dad now sees them every other weekend, through his own choice, the children and myself felt this wasnt enough, but this was his choice.

When the court order was in place, i did not work, however, i now work part time. This is a problem during school holidays, and my ex has stated he expects me to cover all school holidays as he is not willing to do so (he is self employed and claims having time off work results in less wages for himself). I have approached him and said i can not possibly cover all holidays myself, i have one other person who can cover 1 day a week for me, and could he help. He refused. As a last resort, i told him that if the only thing stopping him was finances, that i was prepared to accept a lower maintenance amount during that month for the time he had off work to have the children, and an amount we both agreed on.

He has said he will cover 2 days (out of 13 weeks) and he expects £75 a day for this. As yet i havent replied as i think its laughable. Ive discussed putting the children in holiday clubs but they dont wish to do this and its extra expense that i cant afford.

My question really is this, where do i go from here? I simply can not cover 13 weeks holiday, i cant give up my job, but i cant make their dad take any responsibility either.

Would a one-off mediation session be useful? Would there be any way he could be made to take some responsibility for his children?

Hope someone can help as I've really hit a brick wall with this.

Thanks x

Unfortunately you cannot make someone see their kids if they don't want to.

Sad thing is loads of dads (and mums) would love more contact but struggle to get it.

Does he pay £75 a day maintenance? Of course he doesn't!

I wouldn't even bother to reply to his offer. Treat it with the contempt it deserves and look for other alternatives for child care.

Thanks for your reply.

I dont really want to make him see his kids if he doesnt want to, its more a case of, surely as their dad he HAS to take some responsibilty for them when ive exhausted all options and am now at a difficult juncture? He could easily take time off, and in fact, does so often to do his own thing, but it feels like it's all down to me and im stuck, yet he, as their dad, cant be made to chip in?

you'd think so, wouldn't you? but all that's going to happen is he reneges on any agreement you make so you might as well get on with it! My ex is exactly the same - we had shared care for 18 months but he still took holidays at 3 days notice leaving me to find 6 days of childcare in that time so I could work. I've learnt to get on with it now. Well, am learning still, if I'm honest!

Suggest mediation. At least then you can satsify yourself that you tried. I don't think it will work but you never know until you try. He might surprise us!

Are you claiming Working Tax Credit? You can claim it towards afterschool clubs, before school clubs and holiday clubs if that helps you at all.

Thanks

Ive managed for 2 years but circumstances have changed now. I dont think he'll help out at all, he's still very bitter towards me 4 years later and always says he wont help me out with anything, but i think i will attempt mediation, like you say, to satisfy myself i tried everything.

I do receive tax credits so i shall look into that too, thanks

Hi - I totally agree with you - it is SO not fair that you have to deal with this - I have had similar issues to you. mumtoboys is right, though - as hard as it is, take your ex completely out of the equation for any type of child care - then you won't have to go through the frustration when he comes up with cock and bull stories why he can't/won't. You are doing a brilliant job - hang on in there x

How old are your children
Any family that can help.
or new partner living with you.