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  • donnab
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09 Sep 07 #3032 by donnab
Topic started by donnab
My ex handed my 10 yr old son a letter on the 6th and said you might want to read this son, do you want me to take it away! to which my son said no its ok i want to read the letter.
My son then came home and handed me the letter which was supposedly from a solicitor not on headed paper not signed with wrong information on it saying that my ex is entitled to take his son out of school when ever he wants to! to top it all off it was made out to the head teacher of my sons school!
next day i went to the school and asked to see the head, talking to the secretary 1st who said she had not seen this letter etc. an agreement was come to about my son etc. I am extremly worried about all of this, the police would not do any thing if he were to take him, even though the head has stated he will be "stalled" from taking him untill i get to the school.

I have come to the conclusion that my ex is extremly unstable as is his new gf, does any one know if i can use this against him when it comes to the family part of the divorce, his ex has written to my eldest daughter telling her all sorts being really nasty, my ex wrote to my other daughter telling her that he will slap her up the face when he sees her because she swore, and he also wrote a extremly long email to my 10 yr old son telling him that i was a vial nasty person and that he will get him out!

My eldest has been so distrought having panic attacks the school myself and the doctors managed to get her a refferal with chams who have advised supervised visits

even funnier thing is, on the court papers he is going for residency of 1 daughter and 1 son who is named as my daughter!

can any one give me any advice on what to do to stop him

help please

  • Fiona
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09 Sep 07 #3041 by Fiona
Reply from Fiona
Although your ex's behaviour is causing some distress the best thing is to ignore it. You aren't responsible for his behaviour, neither can you control him and any attempt to do so will be met with resentment and resistance. Your children need at least one parent to behave as an adult and put their welfare first. You can support them by not reacting emotionally to blatant lies or untruths, telling the children often you love them, being consistent and never criticising their father.

When you get to the family part of divorce it's best not to dwell on his negative behaviour and focus positively on the best interests of the children. Usually the most important aspect to parenting after separation is the parenting before separation. If patterns of shared care haven't been established a parent won't necessarily have the kind of relationships with their children that allows a smooth transition to a significant caring role. Making as few changes as possible will help your children feel that, in spite of the difficulties, life can be reasonably normal. If the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services are recommending supervised contact IMHO your ex has no hope of residency.

It sounds as though your ex is very angry and it's worth remembering anger is often secondary to other emotions related to the relationship breakdown. As time goes on the anger usually dissipates if you don't react and avoid provocation/retaliation. Legally if 'needs must' you can resort to a Prohibitive Steps Order to stop your ex removing children from school or Specific Issue Orders to resolve other child related matters and a judge may put certain conditions into other orders.

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