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Do I have to hand my baby over?

  • deve
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09 Sep 07 #3045 by deve
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My husband left me for another woman,it was only once he had left that I came to realise the extent of his financial and business difficulties but more importantly I found out about his extensive cocaine habit, which of course was more devastating than all of the above. We have come to some agreement with regards to the finances for the next 12 months, but cannot agree upon his visitation rights with his daughter.

At first he agreed to supervised visits at our former marital home with me being present at all times 2/3x per week, then of course once the gf disagreed to this, he wanted supervised visitation at his mothers home once a week, then after a month of not seeing his little girl at all he said that he would only see her if I was not present at his mothers, and that I should drop her off before he arrived and pick her up once he had left. This of course is ridiculous as our little girl is only 6 months old and became distressed after only 40 minutes without her mummy which meant that her dad then left because he couldn't stop her crying and I was called back an hour early.

Eventually he wants to be able to take her to his new home without any supopervision, this would mean driving her to the house he shares with his gf and our daughter is still only a baby who needs her mother. He lives with a cocaine habit, he refuses drug tests (although he says he has now stopped completely...of course!?!?), his gf is an excessive drinker who palms her own son off on her own family at every chance, my daughter has bronchitis and they both smoke excessively and they are saying that a court of law would agree that they could take her for one day per week.

We want to sort this out of court, but where do I stand with this? My little girl means the world to me and I cannot risk putting her in their hands esp with their drink and drug problems! What is the current law status with regards to very young children?

  • Fiona
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09 Sep 07 #3051 by Fiona
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10 Sep 07 #3068 by IKNOWNOW
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hi, deve

firstly I would like to say that I think Fiona has missed the point here. the father has a cocaine habit and is now living with a heavy drinker. I think that this has to have some relevance.

The fact that your x refuses a drugs test says it all. They can't expect to gain trust again overnight. Several suggestions, visit your health visitor & discuss your concerns,mine has been really good since I told her. They are happy to listen an advise on contact.

I have 5 children, the youngest being nearly a year. My x2b is a heavy drinker although not what most people would class as an alcoholic. He had little to do with the children on a day to day basis and is currently only seeing my youngest child at the marital home before he takes the other children out. I am not happy for him to take her out just yet as he has probably only fed her & changed her nappy a couple of times in the whole year of her life. She is very rarely left with anyone and I would deem a lot more people more competent than him.

With a child so young and your x2bs history I personally think you are right to stand your ground. If you feel that strongly I would suggest that you look at supervised contact possibly through a contact centre or alternatively phone social services and discuss your concerns, they aren't just there to remove children from their parents. They will have experience of things like this.

"formation of a healthy relationship" - surely this doesn't mean the same to a loving dad who by circumstance is separated from the mum to a cocaine addict.

What sort of relationship has your baby had with her dad thus far? I would argue that she has yet to have a meaningful relationship with him due to his own problem. He should have to prove himself a worthy dad under the circumstances!

Please remember this is my own personal opinion and not meant to cause anyone offence.

If you want futher support emotionally through this as opposed to knowledge I would be happy for you to PM me.

Hope my waffle has helped.

Take care, Sarah

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11 Sep 07 #3155 by Fiona
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11 Sep 07 #3224 by IKNOWNOW
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Hi, Deve

It hasn't gone to court yet. In my opinion you should get some independent advise through your health visitor for example and tell her of your worries, I'm sure she would have concerns if she knew you were giving your baby to a bloke with a drug habit. Would be interesting to know how you get on. I feel for you, I really do. Sometimes I think it's about more than what the law says - you have got to do what you think is best. At 6 months old that baby relies on you to take care of it - I believe whole heartedly that you are doing exactly that.

Take Care, Sarah

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12 Sep 07 #3228 by nathaliealfie
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My daughter is 8 months old and i won't let my ex have her,(it's not that i don't trust him, it's just she doesn't know him) my solicitor said she is too young, and he hasn't bonded with her, he spends ten min with her every couple of weeks, my solicitor said the court would say the same that he shouldn't have our daughter and he doesn't seem to bother. i don't blame you i wouldn't let her go.

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