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will a court listen

  • markp
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09 Sep 07 #3056 by markp
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my wife left me and my son some time ago, she was coming to the marital home to see him when she could be bothered, she has now decided she wants to make other arrangements and when our son wanted to change some of the arrangements and set some conditions she said she will go to court for a contact order and get the terms she wants not what he wants

she wants him every saturday from 10 till 6
our son wants every other saturday 10 till 5 unless hes got his football then he wants 12 till 5

she insists he has to meet her new partner
our son does not wish to meet her new partner due to things she has said about him and things her daughter and her mum have said. she now denies any of this is true and denies having said the things she told our son.

she wanted set times in the summer hols to take him out
our son did not want set times but for her to arrange times when she was available as she has let him down previously with set times and we have this in writing from her sol, she also admits knowing this upsets him.

she also says she will give him treats when she sees him as she can not afford to pay any child support due to been on a low wage and needing it for her and new bloke as he does not work, and i earn enough to get our son what he needs as i earn about 4 times her wage.

my main question is will she get all what she wants or will the court listen to our son who is 11 years old in jan, and if there listen to him can a condition be made that she must not force him to do anything he is uncomfortable with and if she does can he refuse to go with her again. she has stated she does not want any residence as she feels this would impact on her freedom to much.

thanks in advance to anyone who can help me with.
markp

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09 Sep 07 #3059 by Fiona
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09 Sep 07 #3060 by markp
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its not the amount of contact that is the real problem as she only wants 8 hours a week apart from the summer hols, its the insistance that he has to meet her new partner regardless of the fears he has due to the things she has said. would he be made to meet him or could he have the court insist that she has to wait untill our son is ready to take that step of his own free will rather then been forced to do it and build up more resentment then he already feels because she will not listen to anything he has to say. As for increasing the contact above the 8 hours she is not interested and during the week he will be at school during the day and she works evenings, she also lives at the other side of the city and it would take 2 buses and over an hours travel, bearing in mind he needs his sleep for school so late nights would not be in his best interests. As for the hols she has shown that she can not attend at fixed times and lets him down so his suggestion is that when she wants contact she lets him know and arranges direct with him. She also has his mobile number but only texts or phones him now and then. shes made it clear that her only interest in contact is to try and avoid child maintance and once everythibg is sorted she isnt bothered about keeping up the contact

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09 Sep 07 #3065 by IKNOWNOW
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Hi, Mark

This is only personal opinion & does not relate to the courts a I do not YET have experience of this and hopefully won't.

As you say she has to travel a fair distance to see him I assume he is then not going back to her house, otherwise this would waste a lot of his "contact" time. Therefore it shouldn't really be an issue with regards him meeting her new partner. I think it is reasonable to suggest (in writing) that your son only wishes to see his mother during contact sessions.

I would suggest that prior to it going to court that you document all contact sessions with your son and his mother, time agreed, time she actually turned up, how long she stayed, any cancelled sessions and time prior to when contact should have taken place. This will all help you to show the consistency of her contact with your son.

My eldest son is the same age as yours and they are at that age where their Saturday football is important to them - I hope my x2b realises that when we discuss contact at mediation. He is trying to fit contact around his newly extended social life as opposed to fitting around the children. Different priorities.

All I do know is that if it goes to court that the interests of the child are paramount, contact is essentially for the benefit of the child not the parent. Although this does mean that a judge can deem that more contact is appropriate - although they cannot force a parent to see their child more if the parent isn't willing. I believe they will not grant a contact order unless the court deems it better for the child to have an order in place than none at all.

Sorry I have gone on a bit. Hope this makes you a bit more positive about the situation.

Hope all goes well.

Regards, Sarah

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09 Sep 07 #3066 by Fiona
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10 Sep 07 #3070 by IKNOWNOW
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How hard is that!

To stand by and watch the other parent do something to the child for their own gain and to what you truely believe to be the detriment of your child that you care so deeply for.

How is it that we marry these people that we believe care for their children and it ends like this.

My children are my world they are only a part of his. This isn't bitterness this is true life. It is clear people have different priorities - who is right?! That is a question that will run & run!

Sorry, rant over.

I feel for you Mark I really do. Stand up for what you believe is best for your son.

Regards, Sarah

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10 Sep 07 #3072 by markp
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the things i mentioned she has told our son about her new partner is that he is on drugs this just days prior to him doing drug education at school, she also stated he has a drink problem and has been drinking cider since he was about 4 years old. if she telephones our son she sounds drunk and her partner is shouting abuse in the background saying things about me that upset our son and on more then one occation he has come off the phone in tears. His older stepsister has said that the new bloke can be agressive when he has been drinking and that he has made threats to sort me out if he every sees me, this has been confirmed by my x2bs mother.
we are not after stopping contact with his mum, we are concerned for his well being if forced to have contact with this bloke and from what fiona has wrote, this is something we will be unable to stop, so how can their say the court have the childs interest at heart.

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