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12 Sep 07 #3291 by markp
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FIONA
you say many adults drink and do drugs these days but are not considered a risk, but how meny times do you see reports saying that children are more likely to grow up with drink or drug problems if their exposed to it. I also can't help but wonder if you would be putting the same things if my situation was reversed and my son was living with my x2b. As i keep saying their is not a problem with our son seeing her but with the new bloke and the fears my our son has are real surely you can understand he has had enough put on him with his mum walking out to set up home with a stranger without being forced into a situation that scares him due to information given to him by his mum

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12 Sep 07 #3301 by markp
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hi just to let you know my son has been on the nyas site and chetted with person on there he told her what was happening with is mum and their said that he can refuse to go out with her if she is forcing him into doing something he does not want to,he also mentioned if she went to court and got an order would he have to go and if he still refused what would happen, she said the court would not do anything as long as it was him refusing to go because he did not feel safe.

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13 Sep 07 #3303 by IKNOWNOW
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My x2b is a heavy drinker & a gambler & this is the reason I am divorcing him mainly as I could not sit back any longer & let my children grow up thinking this behaviour is acceptable - they should be able to look up to their father not learn how to be a complete ***** (read into that comment what you want). Too many people these days do not regard morals & standards as worth maintaining, that is why society is going the way it is! People have no respect for anything or anyone and when people try to instill morals etc they are laughed at. My children don't have TVs in their bedrooms, are not constantly on the computer and do not play out till all hours. They are treated like children because they are children. Is all this bad behaviour the norm now - so hey that's alright, what's wrong with letting your child be in an environment where he should feel safe but instead is expected to accept a drunk, violent new partner of his mum's without batting an eyelid. If that is what society is coming to then maybe I should take my children & go & live in some hippy commune.

I'll get off my soap box now!

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13 Sep 07 #3341 by Fiona
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I

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13 Sep 07 #3343 by Tinny
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Fiona
You may have been referring to me when you mentioned a female poster having similar experiences, although I think there is another. I was interested to read some of your comments one being "As a generalisation most children are far less apprehensive once they've met the new partner a few times".

As yet my kids have not met my new partner. I have taken things very very slowly to the point now that I feel I've left it too long. Over a year later I'm frightened of taking the next move. Nearly a year ago the social workers report stated that both kids were agreeable to see my new partner "sometime" now my youngest is baulking at the idea of meeting him. I am frightened that after getting overnight contact without new partner and youngest being happy with me, that if I introduce NP I will be met with "kids dont want to stay with you" from Ex.

My kids both know my NP, liked him but now dont, understandable as in their eyes he took their Mum away (but then I havent told them the full story). I wonder what story they have been told...I wasnt allowed to explain in case I upset them!

I dont have the answers but I think I need help to move things forward, perhaps I should start a new thread.

I can understand your fears Markp but long term your son needs his mum and needs your help to keep a relationship with her.

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13 Sep 07 #3345 by markp
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every one seems to have the impression that this is to do with what i want and fear but as i keep saying it is my sons fears, i understand fully what you all say about him needing to keep a relationship with his mum and i've done my best to encourage this, i put credit on his mobile so he could ring and text her, i've told her she can call to see him anytime she wishes,and i text her to get her view on any important things that effect him, eg we have just had form to choose his new school for next year and i text to see if she still agreed to the one we picked before she walked out, he has also been to her parents for tea on a couple of occasions when their asked if he could. The facts are my son is adament he does not want to see the new bloke and as for it been hearsay, it is his mum that has told him these things, and if she sees these as is good points what are his bad ones.

Just to let you know he has received a reply from a solicitor for nyas she says he can refuse the contact but a court would try to encourage it, she also states that a child can make their own application to the court for the contact their want if the court feels that the child understands the issues,also if his mum goes for a contact order then he should ask me to ask the court that he be joined to the case and be given a gurdian and solicitor, these would be there to repersent him in court to tell the court his views and make a recommendation taking into account his feelins and wishes.

ass you can see this is a bit different to some of the things said about he has to do as hes told and forget about what he feels to be in his best interests.

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23 Sep 07 #3823 by markp
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hi just to let you all know my wife agreed to taking our son out every other saturday from 10 till 5 and agreed he will not meet her new partner untill we went to mediation to sort things out. She took him out yesterday for the first time and when she brought him back said she now understood that it was his feelings i was putting forward and not mine as she had been led to believe by her solicitor. She has now said that she will abide by what he wants, mainly taking him out every second saturday from 10 till 5 unless he has football then she will collect him after football, during the holidays instead of set contact she will phone him and arrange things between them when, so she doesn't let him down as she has done before, she is also willing to wait till he feels ready to meet the new partner and she says she will wait aslong as it takes for him to be ready, so agood out come alround.

Thanks for every bodies input and advice i think it helped me and my son to get through this.

Thanks Markp

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