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Step children. How should we deal with this issue

  • MrsMathsisfun
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23 Mar 12 #319751 by MrsMathsisfun
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As it is withdrawing telly at our house isnt really that much of an punishment as the children are not allowed to watch telly very often.

My partner has decide to follow through by banning his child from watching childrens telly but allowing the child to be in room if we are all watching something.

My partner parenting styles is miles apart from his ex. She is very much oh I cant discipline my child they might not like me type of mum, whereas my partner is more of a I am your parent not your friend type of parent.

  • MissTish1
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23 Mar 12 #319765 by MissTish1
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I personally don''t think its right to expect the other parent to dish out punishment for behaviour that hasn''t occurred with them, especially when the severity of the behaviour isn''t known or could be considered not that bad. Everyone has a different view on what is punishable naughty behaviour and what isn''t, and therefore if one parent finds a certain behaviour punishable then they should discipline the child and not pass the buck.

If a child does something serious, then of course both parents should decide on appropriate action, ensuring the child knows they have agreed on what should happen. But one parents view of naughty behaviour might only be viewed as ''mischievous'' or ''boisterous'' by the other parent.

Just my opinion.

  • pixy
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24 Mar 12 #319796 by pixy
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How old is the child and what is the point of no telly for a week? United front is one thing but punishments that go on for longer than the offence (like grounding) strike me as unnecessary, pointless and plain daft. There''s a difference between having expectations about a standard of behaviour and making those expectations known and being punitive.

  • stepper
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24 Mar 12 #319797 by stepper
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Unless the parents have discussed the issue and have agreed on a joint strategy for punishment, I think each incident should be dealt with by the parent concerned.

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24 Mar 12 #319817 by PinkDuck
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Jaymdee,

I have to agree with you as I see it from your point of view and we must obviously share the same view on parenting.

When I''ve banned my son from TV and he has a visit to his dad during that time I ''postpone'' those days so my son knows he has x amount of days without TV. I do tell dad what I''ve done and his support is usually to have a word with our son about his attitude, and to respect mum etc but he doesn''t carry on my punishment.

If the punishment was no sweets or no consoles for a week, he would support this and not buy him sweets or allow him on the console as they are solely for the use of the child. TV is often a family thing and banning one will inevitable effect everyone.

I personally think to support mum, a chat with the child to show you know about the bad behaviour, and encouragement to respect and listen to mum (however off the scale she may be at times), should suffice.

Dad has little enough time with the kids to carry on mums punishment especially as you seem to think when they are returned is all back to normal for the little one and all she remembers is dad didn''t let her watch TV and not the reason why..

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24 Mar 12 #319832 by WhiteRose
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Mwahppet wrote:

Jaymdee,

I have to agree with you as I see it from your point of view and we must obviously share the same view on parenting.

When I''ve banned my son from TV and he has a visit to his dad during that time I ''postpone'' those days so my son knows he has x amount of days without TV. I do tell dad what I''ve done and his support is usually to have a word with our son about his attitude, and to respect mum etc but he doesn''t carry on my punishment.

If the punishment was no sweets or no consoles for a week, he would support this and not buy him sweets or allow him on the console as they are solely for the use of the child. TV is often a family thing and banning one will inevitable effect everyone.

I personally think to support mum, a chat with the child to show you know about the bad behaviour, and encouragement to respect and listen to mum (however off the scale she may be at times), should suffice.

Dad has little enough time with the kids to carry on mums punishment especially as you seem to think when they are returned is all back to normal for the little one and all she remembers is dad didn''t let her watch TV and not the reason why..


stepper wrote:

Unless the parents have discussed the issue and have agreed on a joint strategy for punishment, I think each incident should be dealt with by the parent concerned.


I agree with both stepper and Mwappet!

WR x

  • MrsMathsisfun
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24 Mar 12 #319843 by MrsMathsisfun
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Thanks. I glad others agree with me!!

The child is 7 and can be extremely naughty for mum. She does try it on with us, but one teacher glare from me and a word from dad problem solved!!

It appears the reason for the ''''no telly'''' was because the child was watching TV rather than getting ready for school as requested. (why was telly on!! again maybe that''s just me but if that''s the problem switch it off!!!) so punishment no telly.

The difficult we have with the no telly, is we only have one telly so how do we achieve this punishment without it impacting on all of us!!

Personally I think a much more appropriate punishment would have been for the child to miss her best friends party today. Which although in dads time, we would have carried through in order to support mum.

How can dad discuss the situation with mum without it coming across as actually the problem is mum''s poor parenting skills rather than a ''''problem'''' child.

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