He told me ages ago he wants to do a season either in the Alps or Canada. My STBX is trying to say that I am obliged to pay for him. I cant see why I should pay for someone who hates me to go on holiday for a year. Sorry for the rant but I am having one of those days.
I agree and think to myself that should he show a bit of initiative and get a job, go to uni, graduate - that I would like to be in a position to reward him. But at the moment all I get from him is;
"I hate you"
"you are a loser"
"Mum is going to make you pay for my uni"
"I dont need a job as you will have to pay for me"
"I hope your girlfriend dies"
"You dont care about me"
and "f**k off"
All of this fully endorsed and supported by my wife, because as she says "I deserve it"
I am so fed up with all of it and I think I am on the brink of a break-down.
It really depends on the particular circumstances. The first thing are the exact terms if there is a court order for CM.
When there is no court order over 18s in education or training can apply to court for maintenance from parents in their own right. The court will then consider the finances of both parents and the "child." Maintenance is awarded according to the need of the recipient and the ability of the parents to pay.
When a parent has the means then it may be considered reasonable for them to contribute something towards maintaining over 18s during a gap year and a first degree course.
He may be technically an adult- but he''s still your son!
Please don''t under-estimate the effects of not contributing financially- my ex washed his hands of all his adult children, saying that they were now adults.
One son went completely off the rails.
The other 2 struggled through and graduated- they both worked to support themselves but tbh they had a miserable time at Uni, living in dire poverty and are deeply resentful of their father''s cavalier attitude.
They have no relationship with their father at all, and so far time has not been a great healer.
Think very carefully before you put money ahead of your relationship with your son- you may live to deeply regret it.