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Child support after 18?

  • MrsMathsisfun
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12 Apr 12 #323328 by MrsMathsisfun
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Somuch.

I am sorry to say that your son sounds like he is behaving like a bit of a brat! I really wouldnt even get involved in an argument about it with him.

Stop playing her games, Attempt to gain access to your child via a solicitor letter or if your self-repping a formal letter and if that fails then apply to the courts.

Stop ringing the house or making any informal attempts to negotiate. Leave the finances (and if necessary contact arrangements) to the courts

At 18 your son will be viewed as an adult, but his housing needs during uni will be considered during FDR.

I dont think a court gets involved with child maintenance. They will refer you to the CSA and at present the csa rules state that once a child leaves full time secondary education or reaches 19 then a parent is no longer liable for cm.

As has been stated your son could apply for support but would have to prove a need and show that you can afford to pay.

I really hope a ''''years holiday'''' disguised as a gap year wouldn''t be considered a ''need''

Give yourself a break. You have tried for a year to make up for giving up on a failed relationship. No one has a right to continually try to make you the villain for ever despite what a few OP''s on here may think.

It will be sorted and she wont get everything what ever she is saying it really doesnt work like that, the system might be slightly bias towards the NRP but its not completely unfair.

  • somuch2know2
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12 Apr 12 #323331 by somuch2know2
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Thanks.. I need a break. Both me and my girlfriend. We need this over and we need to find a balance. Everyone involved in this does. I am so uptight and annoyed at the fact the courts can make me either choose to live 2 hours from work or make me live in a flat that doesnt accomodate my kids/ or is in a rough area while I work all hours of the day and she sits around moaning about not having money. She has a good 25 years until retirement. She should work. I am tired of hearing about how she didnt plan on me leaving. If I had no job what would she do? She would get a job. I am also tired of her comments about wasting money on my girlfriend. I have no money to spend on her. If anything she is the one supporting me. If there is anything fun she wants to do, or dinners, or just about anything that involves over 25£ she pays for. She has even given me money at christmas to buy my kids presents as I had to pay a hefty solicitor bill.

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12 Apr 12 #323344 by MrsMathsisfun
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So much I do understand how you both feel. My partner and I have been going through the same thing for the past 2 years regarding finances.

My partner tried mediation and has continually attempted to negotiate an settlement, all the ex has done is complained that its unfair, how because she has the children she should get sm because she doesnt want to have to work.

We have spent so many hours discussing and trying to solve the situation. At one stage we didnt seem to discuss anything else.

Our solicitor suggested that we make a reasonable offer and sit back and see what the courts decide.

We decided not to discuss between ourselves any more and just wait and see what happened.

The ex has given up, not taking my partner to court and accepted that our offer was reasonable and the Consent Order is being written up and hopefully it will soon be over.

How long to FDR? Collect your evidence of why what your suggesting is fair and let the judge tell you what he thinks.

x

  • sillywoman
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12 Apr 12 #323345 by sillywoman
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Somuch - you had an affair, returned home, continued the affair then left again.

The moral rights and wrongs of this behaviour will not affect your divorce settlement but is affecting your wife and your children. Your son is seeing your wife (his mum) feelinng bitter and angry with you. Your son is protecting his mum. You should be proud of him.

Your wife is though, being silly now and is in affect damaging herself and indirecting the children financially. Because every solicitors meeting, letter and phone call and hearing and barrister is costing not only you money, but her as well. I hope she realises this.

Back to your son. I would never support financially any of my 3 daughters undertaking a gap year, but I would and do through their university and I wish I had got it put into my consent order when I divorced for their father to contribute. I didn''t and he does not offer anything. Nearly 2 years ago, our oldest asked him for £40 towards food, he said no. She hasn''t asked again.

Our middle one got the court forms as Fiona suggested to take her father to court as he is on a very good income. However, at the last minute she decided not to continue the action feeling if he did not want to help, then sod him.

Our daughters have nothing to do with their dad. Basically his choice as on the two occaions one or other has met him he has slated me as well as on the phone.

And yet he left me!!! My ex hates me because I didn''t take him back like all the times I took him back in the past.

He stopped paying cm for our youngest, but of course I got that sorted, then he keeps trying to get it changed by sending in payslips. Then he got his pension as well as his salary and has to pay from that as well for which he is furious.

Our girls no longer mention him but I do, I talk about good things that happened in the past including him, because he was a good dad and I want them to remember good times.

In your case, you perhaps in hindsight agree that you left your wife in perhaps the wrong way, i.e. affair, etc. but what is done is done. Of course you lad doesn''t want you dead. He is now the man of the house and is probably finding the responsibility difficult. Give him some slack and just remember that time is a great healer.

I hope one day my ex forgives me for not taking him back and is able to resume a relationship with our daughters.

Our middle daughter got engaged at the weekend and our oldest graduates in July. Such a shame he will be missing such wonderful occasions due to his bitterness.

Keep ploughing in with the kids. They really love you and I know you love them. They are the innocents in all this.

Inform your lad that you will help during his time at university.

  • pixy
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12 Apr 12 #323357 by pixy
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There is so much mixed up here that you need to try to separate the threads. You are bitter and angry; your ex is bitter and angry; your son is piggy in the middle and is bitter and angry for that very reason. And whilst he is technically an adult, you are the real adult and need to behave as such. This means turning the other cheek as often as is necessary; it means explaining to your son that you love him and want to support him and that you understand why he is angry about the situation and why he blames you and that you have no wish to make him feel as though he is choosing between his parents.

It also needs you to explain that even if you were still together with his mother you would not consider paying for his gap year experience unless he showed real determination to fund part/most of it himself. I''d add that you should also tell him that no matter what financial suport you are able to give him at uni he will still need to try to find work in the vacations (this is a hard one as there is not a lot of temporary work around). Some sort of work (or volunteering) is absolutely essential nowadays because employers can pick and choose.

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12 Apr 12 #323365 by sillywoman
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Great post Pixy

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12 Apr 12 #323398 by robinson25
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my children are 20 and the younger 18. my x is paying cm for younger one till her 19th birthday. I earn very little money and have been left with a lot of financial problems. The kids look to me to help them with car insurance etc and i try to help, i have asked my x to help as if we had still been together he would have naturally contributed but because he has left the home he thinks it has nothing to do with him and lets me struggle on. I have never not encouraged the kids to see their dad but they know he wont help and it has affected how they think about him.

i agree if your son is having a gap year he should work to enable him to s do so but if you still had been at home you i hope would have helped him a little to begin with? I am not trying to be controversial just seeing it from another point of view.

your son is full of anger, my daughter is like that but although he is now an adult he is still your son.

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