I understand what you are saying, and if I was at home, I would try and help out as my kids would still like me and I would not have journied down this expensive legal route. But where I stand now- I do not have the money, and if I did, I would not be so happy to part with it for someone who refuses to talk to me on a daily basis, and when they do- only have a go.
He can work and he can struggle a bit. It wont hurt him, and who knows, he may just have a bit of appreciation for all that I have given him.
The way it stands- my STBX is going to come out of this very well, and that is without her working. Perhaps she could pay for my son''s year holiday.
Tell him there are no guarantees in life, that
you would hope to help out financially if and when he has a gap year, but it will depend upon your financial situation at the time and that the best thing is for him organise how he will finance it himself and you will save up to support him through uni.
Gap years shouldnt be a ''holiday'' it should be about working in order to achieve something worth while.
Unfortunately it sounds like he has grown up like so many young kids today will a strong sense of entitlement and very little understanding of the value of money.
Are you my girlfriend? You sound soo much like her. That is exactly what she says. I want my kids to be self-sufficiant. If they get made redundant, I want them to have the skills and teh papers to find another job. I want them to have the drive to want to.
No one owes anyone anything in this life. There is no job for life, or marriage for life for that matter. If get lucky and find it, its a bonus- otherwise do what you can to make your life the best it can be without relying on someone else. (and NO I am not refering to not supporting your children- but there is a fine line between support and spoiling).
i am.. And I probably sound like the biggest tightest Arse out there but stress of this divorce (both financially and emotionally) is having its toll.
I honestly thought me and the STBX could sit down like adults and discuss things and I never thought she would be as vindictive as to turn the kids. I never really loved my wife (and no this isnt an excuse I am making to justify leaving.. I honestly never did- we were together because and only because of the kids) but I always thought she was a good person and a great mum. I feel nothing for her now other than contempt.
I can say I have made a promise to myself that when this is over, it will be over. I will not look back in anger. I will not carry on resenting the fact she is a tw^t. I will simply carry on, rebuild, and hope that my kids will eventually see things through a different perspective. Bitterness is a disease, and its one I dont care to catch.
My husband and I have exactly the same situation. Bitter ex, no contact from children (their choice) and now a demand to reinstate maintenance for 19 year old daughter at Uni..plus arrears from when we ceased paying last Jully....shear greed! If said daughter contacted us we would willingly come to an arrangement to help her out. Very disappointed.
At the very least you should have paid child maintenance until September as that is when the child benefit ceases.
And what makes the mother bitter? Because she feels the father should help support whilst the daughter is at university?
My daughters don''t see their father - their choice, his choice, its too complicated. He is with someone else. I am not.
But I am certainly one hundred per cent not bitter! Glad hes gone.
We have 2 daughters at university. My ex (their father) does not help contribute one penny piece. They have their grant and loan, but who provides a bed for them in holiday time? Me of course.
My daughters were taking their father to court under the childrens act for support whilst at university but at the end of the day they couldnt be bothered feeling if he doesn''t want to help support them, sod him!