There is no court order at the moment and we are going to FDR next month. I have 2 other children for which I will be paying CM for some time, and from what my solicitor says I will have to pay SM.
I dont want to sound stingy but i feel like I now have to fight for everything as she is trying to take everything. I hate it. I just wanted to come to some sort of agreement but now I feel I have to play some stupid game and offer as little as possible knowing that its horse trading.
Im sorry but I am contributing a hell of a lot at the moment and will continue to do so for some time. He is my son, but at 19 he should assume some responsibily. He has never had a job, has no intention of getting one and expects me to pay for his holidays, his gap year and his education. All this for someone who constantly tells me he hates me. I dont feel I should have to "buy" his love when I dont have the money. It would be different if I had loads of cash, but i dont.
There are ways and means of putting oneself through university. Maybe it will make him finally appreciate how much I have done for him and how hard I have to work to do it.
With an arrangement using the CSA, you pay child maintenance until your child reaches 16 years old, or until they reach 19 years old if they are in full-time education (not higher than A-level equivalent). You can of course reach an agreement privately to pay maintenance for a longer period.
I wanted provision for our daughters uni education to be written into our Consent Order. My ex resolutely refused and my sol told me it would be very difficult to get this included in any order if he was so adamant. This was 2.5 years ago.
However, I agree with you about the money in a way. In no way do I think you should finance your son''s gap year, it sounds like he will be in paid employment anyway. Gap years aren''t a social right of the middle classes and beyond, although you''d be forgiven for thinking so with so many teenagers taking them. I also think part-time work helps kids to understand the value of money, I had 2 jobs when I went to uni.
Try and overlook your son''s unpleasantness, he may well regret this in future when he realises that the real world is not all hearts and flowers. You could consider continuing to pay cm, but directly to him for his share. This could force him to have a real, adult relationship with you and you''re no financially worse off than you are now.
It''s worth bearing in mind that if arguing about CM prevents a settlement being reached the legal costs of fighting through the courts may well be more than the total amount of maintenance to support a student through a first degree.
My son is being a real jerk- but beyond that I dont see why I should be forced to pay. This should be my choice. Had my wife not been such an arse throughout and insisting on solicitors I would have HAD the money for him. The university fund that existed is depleted now and there is no stopping there. I will come out of this in debt and it will take me a long time to get out. I suppose my ex could possibly work and help him out but that is asking way too much. Yes- I am very angry today.