Can you advise me because I am getting fed up of having the run around from X.
I earn more than X but it is still a struggle making ends meet. When we split (due to income gap) we arranged that X would pay CSA via a private agreement. I told him to use the CSA calculator & come up with an offer, he did so it is less than the CSA calculator but I am not bothered as long as he can afford it (says he can) & it is paid consistently so I can rely on it.
Part gets given directly to one child as an allowance & the other goes towards younger child''s groups / lessons etc. I can always show that it gets paid to the "expenses" of children if asked.
So x misses certain payments depending on the time of year, he has missed 2 so far, if the money is not there in the bank because he has spent it on "other" things we don''t get it.
I took him to court for these missed payments, we negotiated with a judge that x would pay an amount extra per month to catch up. X is very accommodating & plausible in front of judge, gets the order & promptly ignores it! Back to the letters from me requesting payment.
I do not like having to ask x for anything, as he uses it to "play" the victim to friends & family when really I just want what is agreed.
Sols says that I must continue perusing amount as it is in the CO, FYI X is also ignoring the TfE in CO so may have to go back to court to force him to sign this too.
Thismismall costing too much, if I have to go back to court & go for an Att for earnings & TfE it is going to cost more than the money owed & feel it is taking the p***s tbh:dry:
Sorry this is so long wanted to give history, wherever anything has been agreed (he agrees or even asks for i.e. the TfE) with court / sols etc etc even legally written up X just ignors it & I have to enforce it. - makes me feel like I am going nuts (did x agree or didn''t he) mind you our 21 yr marriage was the same so I supose I should be use to it.
The question is - Do I now give up (friends & family would go nuts) but the cost is making it pointless, or do I continue onwards. I have to for the TfE as x is always threatening bankruptcy & I must make the house safe for me & kids. But should I just forget the missed Child Support payments?
I just want this all over & not to have to ask or contact my x for anything ever again (when I have passed on info re kids, he denies that I have on the wonderful FB (victim again) & early on stated I harrased him by sending on info re exam results etc- so no longer contact him re kids just tell them to tell him)
Thanks for reading if you got this far What would you do in this situation?? TBH need the money, but wonder if it is worth the hassle.
In your position I would probably be tempted to ignore the back payments as it seems like a lot of trouble to get them. However, now is the time to approach the csa and get things formalised. They will deal with everything and you won''t have to have any contact with ex over this. The extra he will now have to pay should make up eventually for the missed payments!
The agreed amount in your order can be overruled by the csa after 12 months so don''t worry about that.
I am also tempted to ignor, my sols advises me not to as if I do then X may stop paying altogether & judge wouldn''t look on it favourably if I hadnt tried to recoup the rest.
& part of me thinks he should stand up & be a man & keep to his commitments / responsibilities (but I don''t know if he ever will), he does little for the kids in any way & it is not because he cannot afford to pay (or I would agree to reduce) it is because his needs come first (I.e. drinking, gambling & smoking not household / living exp) they alway have done