Thanks Fiona for your advice - think Im gonna shelve the private agreement plan - he cant be trusted to stick to it and I think it was probably just a ploy to get me to get the csa to wipe off his arrears. Will take my chances with CSA, however inept they are. His case is with their solicitors at the moment and I so hope they nail him to the wall.
It amazes me that he can even lump himself in with any other non resident parents who are having troubles with the CSA when he hasn''t paid a flaming penny of his earnings.
Mumtoboys...all his emails are like the one I shared with you guys - such a idiot!
The CSA gets it wrong. I think we all know that. But the CSA also works well for an awful lot of people. I have no doubt that my ex''s assessment is incorrect as it is today - but that would be because he hasn''t filed any accounts with Companies House for....years now, so I can only assume he hasn''t provided them to the CSA, nor any tax returns, nor any kind of update on what he earns. He is about to go to court for an Order of Sale on his house - CSA say they haven''t heard from him in 2 1/2 years. He declined to comment when given the opportunity on impending legal action. He''s all bravado on the doorstep - my solicitor this and my solicitor that...but the simple fact of the matter is he hasn''t paid any child maintenance in 3 1/2 years and he''s going to have to explain that to a judge if he wants to keep his house.
Stay with the CSA and take your chances. You might win, you might lose. But I''m pretty sure you''ll lose if you make a private arrangement so in that sense, there is everything to play for. Hang on in there - and keep us updated!
Oh and of course I now have proof that he has the ability to pay £350 per month being that''s what he initially negotiated with me! Will be sending along those emails to my CSA investigator - should help the CSA case.
I think you''re right about the bravado and the bluff - they''re so good at it but as we know, its just a matter of time before everything catches up with them. Its a case of playing the long game. She who dares rodders!!!! Good luck with your situation - its been a while since I''ve been on the forum as things had settled down nicely but its nice to be back amongst the crowd.
My initiall response is totally unprintable! Will try & temper it .... Via the divorce isn''t it supose to be that you are no longer controlled by the x - or is he just peptuating it as he cannot let go of his controll (or perceived control of you).
I would be answering with, have passed all info including your letter to the CSA for their consideration!
Luckily my CO tied our private agreement up, perhaps you could try that route - a private agreement as long as it is tied up in the CO so that when the xxxx decides he doesn''t want to pay no more you can take his controlling xxx to court & let the judge sort it!
As for keeping a track, I supose. I do in a way, eldest child gets the all directly so no worried there & youngest by time I''ve added up a few clothes & 1 club it''s over the amount paid. Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it. But tbh IMO it''s not just £ it''s the fact that both parents have to take some responsibility for the children & that should be financial responsibility as well.
Still cross - you do so well getting through all this JJx
He''s going to be really upset in 10 years time when the Polish bird fecks him over for every penny after they get married and have a kid.
He will be sixty and potless and alone.
I can see your karma coming.
All the best
Sorry to read the carry on you are having with trying to get your ex to provide financially for his kids.
His reply was funny and he has clearly lost the plot BIG TIME.
I have to admit to also asking for a breakdown of what the maintenance money I pay for our 2 kids goes on.
To give you some info we have an SA in place both had legal advice & ex''s SOL drew up the final agreement after quite some time spent wasting thousands on legal fees. This was then ratified by the Sheriffs court.
In our agreement I agreed to inflation based increases based on the previous 12 months RPI.
Ex started hassling me for more money saying it wasn''t enough. So I increased it 2 months before I was legally required to by 5.15% which was a bit higher than the actual average.
Anyway she asked what the xtra was for and I explained. She said that is no where near enough and demanded more.
It went quiet for a few months then the threats of SOL & court arose again (which I new would come).
I had explained that I am sticking to the legal agreement.
She said that I have a legal obligation to provide for our kids! She was trying to make me feel bad morally.
She complaind that the orignal figure was from nearly 3 years ago. It took usthe next 2 1/2 years to agree on maintenance, kids contact arrangements right down to how many hours I am allowed the kids on birthdays (madness).
Anyway I reminded her that she & her overpaid SOL signed the agreement just less than a year ago & then was the time to disagree.
I know I pay well above the min for my 2 kids. 1100 a month. Plus I paid for there mobile phones & bills. Share the costs of any school trips. Both kids investment plans and put aside 200 a month until daughter is 18 (she is 9 now. The proceeds of which are to help go towards Uni costs & be shared equally between them.
I also help out my mum financially who recently lost her husband of 46 years & my dad.
So you can imagine how crazy I thought it was when she then announced that she needs £125 per child extra a month. Thats only a small increase of 22%.
She has a good paying job & as does her toy boy and with the money I give her, child benefits & child tax credits has a very tidy triple income stream.
So I said you can''t just ask for an increase that way exceeds inflation by a ridiculous amount even if you averge it back oh and the fact its currently dropping.
She had said if she has to give me a breakdown on how it is being spent I will be hearing from her SOL.
God knows where she pulled the figure from.
I love my kids and made sure that certain things were put into the SA so that my kids could never every accuse me of not catering for them financially (not that I think they would). Its more actually that I know I get bad mouthed to be a bad dad!
I never ask for a penny and won''t for any money I spend on the kids. Just for info the kids spend roughly 100 days a year with dad.
Apolgies for my long winded tale. But basically from my standpoint I feel it''s reasonable to ask for a proper breakdown of what she is using the maintenance money on especially when I hear the mum has a cleaner that comes in once week now dad.
FH hope you get there in the end and your ex sees the bloody light if he can afford to get remarried he can certainly afford to provide for his kids financial needs.