how about this:
a) come up with a monthly budget that is, give or take £20, what you spend on the children being the same as what you''ve agreed as maintenance. There is nothing at all to stop you tellng little white lies, is there? Don''t put in the gas, electric etc. etc. as this is enough to make this kind of personality go through the roof - stick to children. If you have to, cut photos out of catalogues to prove the price!
b) use said monthly budget in a round about way month in, month out. Tweak it now and again but roughly the same.
c) take the money he gives and as long as it''s the same as the agreement you''re making now, you''re both happy.
d) if he reneges, you go back to the CSA....
e) tell CSA to keep at it. They are useless. If ex starts to blame you simply tell him you''ve told them to back off but it''s in their hands not yours now as he''s messed about for so long....!
Thanks WR - oh no, he''s told me that he''ll be asking the children to confirm that they''ve had this money spent on them!!
Still take your point about getting something rather than nothing.
Another question if I may then.... how much legal water does a private agreement hold? He''s asked that we both have witnesses that will countersign the agreement and he''s put in these statements:
"The agreement supersedes and takes precedence over all current and future child maintenance Legislation and/or Acts of Parliament that apply to the Law of England and Wales. All Legislation and/or Acts of Parliament are voided unless item (3) applies.
and also "Both parties to this agreement hereby confirm, agree and duly understand the effect of the contents of this Private Maintenance Agreement and both parties to this agreement are of sound mind :-"
Mum to boys, thanks - I know you''ve had problems with Ltd Co. too.
As part of the private agreement I''ve got to agree to write to the CSA to tell them to rescind all alleged arrears (he won''t agree that he even owes them) and the CSA have got to confirm back to him that this is the case or I won''t get a penny. Basically Ive got to trust that he''ll pay once I''ve cut off all my options.
You''re right about the personality thing - he has already said that he doesnt want his money going on mortgage or debts.
Dodgier and dodgier. Why is he so keen to avoid CSA? He must think you''d get more money that way. And how on earth are the children to know what you have spent on them? Sounds like he thinks his money only pays for jollies.
pixy, he wants to avoid the CSA because although he claims to not be working he''s obviously got stuff to hide. Yes I''ve no doubt that I should be getting more than the £350 we''ve agreed on but proving it is so long and slow! He''s also getting remarried in September (poor woman!) and I think he wants to draw a line under all the issues, the child maintenance being the last one of a long line.
Don''t sign. This is getting dodgier and dodgier, as pixy says. He has already shown himself to be completely untrustworthy.
The trouble is, whatever the legal status of the paper you sign, if you get nothing until you have abandoned your CSA claim, he''s won. So you really have to keep on through CSA, even if it is a risk and they are useless. I think the risk of trusting him is greater.
As for checking with the children that you''ve spent the money on obvious things, that is abusive of both them and you. Does he want you to show them all the food bills? Does he really think they should be dragged into all of this?