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I want my ex to pay CS, but child not even allowed

  • Peppylapugh
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29 Jun 12 #339915 by Peppylapugh
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I have an 8 yr old son, his father and I split up when he was a baby. He has never ever paid anything to the child, not a bean,he has never taken him out anywhere, never brought him anything, and just to make matters worse, my poor 8 yr old is not even allowed to call him dad/daddy, he has to call him by his name.
I ring him constantly and text him, asking him to come see his child, to have him for a few hours or days, or even take him to the park, and he never does. He only comes to my house when my son is at school.
My poor little boy is so confused, he so desperately wants his dad, and the other day he asked me if he can have a new real dad, as **** is not a real dad. Real dads take you to the park and play games with you, and read you stories. He has now written a list of the things he wants in a new dad, how tall he is, whats his hair like, what football team does he support...everything.
My point to this message, do you think I should tell the CSA about his dad? I mean, if he don''t come see the child and wants nothing to do with him, is it worth it? I want whats best for my child, and I been trying for nearly 8 yrs to get his dad to be a dad.

  • hadenoughnow
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29 Jun 12 #339922 by hadenoughnow
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peppy

You cannot make your ex behave like the Dad you and your son want him to be ... but he can certainly be made to contribute to the costs of his upbringing if he won''t do it voluntarily. That is what the CSA is for. There is a set formula - 15% of his net income for one child. However this changes if he has other children he is paying for.
The CSA payments have nothing to do with contact. He would have to pay whether he sees the child or not.

Hadenoughnow

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29 Jun 12 #339968 by Peppylapugh
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I agree about not forcing him to be a dad, but not sure if I want his money for my child, after all I have raised him for 8 yrs without his help, I am just wondering if I am doing the right thing by my child. My little man wants for nothing, is it right to make a person pay for something he just don''t want. 1 part of me wants to take him for everything, but another part of me thinks, just to carry on as we are. And let him (father) face the consequences of his actions when little man grows up.

The decision does not seem to be an easy one, though it probably will to some.

  • jslgb
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29 Jun 12 #339985 by jslgb
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How about you go through the CSA and have the money paid into a savings account for your son. That way when he is old enough he can decide whether he wants the money or not and what it means to him. If nothing else it will be a contribution to a car or uni fees etc when he hits 18.

Yes it is right to make someone pay for something they dont want, He should have taken the precautions if it wasnt what he wanted. He needs to understand the consequences of his actions and be financially responsible for them. You said your son goes without nothing and that is fab, i wish i could do the same, but what about you? Do you go without? I know i do! If my stbxh was more giving for his child it would free up some of my money to spend on me! A rarity in this house!!

And on the flip side, it could provide some security for you and your son should the need ever arise.

You sound like your doing a fab job and providing for your son well, but why should you carry the burden alone?

  • hawaythelads
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29 Jun 12 #339988 by hawaythelads
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Peppylaugh,
If he has no interest in the kid whatsoever.I take it he is just visiting you for sex when the kid isn''t there.I can''t see any other explanation.
You should stop that and make an application to the csa to pay for his child.
Although I guarantee you with this type of character he is a selfish using xxxx and it will anger him about paying and he will refuse and adopt any way he can to avoid it.
All the best
HRH xx

  • Lostboy67
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29 Jun 12 #339989 by Lostboy67
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It makes me very sad when I read of a ''dad'' who is not bothered with his child, especially when there are plenty of dads here who battle for years in the courts to get contact with their children.
When you become a father you take on responsibilities regardless of the involvment you want in that child''s life and your son''s father needs to man up to those responsibilities.

I have no doubt you are a very good mother and provide everything your son needs.
Think of the CSA payment as money that is your son''s that you spend on his behalf.

LB

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30 Jun 12 #340015 by Peppylapugh
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Your so right in all you said. Looks like I am being given some food for thought.
And yes of course I am going without, thats what we parents do isn''t it? We go without so our kids can get.
I did say to my ex, ''If you see little man in the street with designer trainers on his feet I take credit, if you see him with holes in his shoes, again thats me, if he does well at school, thats me again, and if he fails at school thats me again.'' He can''t take no credit for little man, thats all me. And yeshe is doing well at school, and no he don''t walk around with holes in his shoes lol, that will never happen.
But I am taking account of all you said thank you

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