A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Financial support for son at uni

  • roseanne
  • roseanne's Avatar Posted by
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
09 Sep 12 #354704 by roseanne
Topic started by roseanne
Hello would really appreciate any advice. Our son starts uni in a couple of weeks. His father and I had an acrimonious divorce with finances going to court where an order was made for him to pay child maintenance until son turned 17 or finished fulltime education. His father stopped paying maintenance to me for him in July.
His father is a high earner and we both hoped he would continue to support his son.
Our son tried to discuss this with him last weekend but did not feel able to ask outright for money. I have since written to my ex asking him to contact our son directly about financial support. And there has been a big silence.
Any ideas please what to do? I am really struggling financially now child benfits have stopped. I would love to be in the position for my son to have a little bit of the money pressure off.
I would like his dad to take responsibility and pay his share.
My older daughters friend is a beautician and told her she treated ex''s new wife recently. Gel nails on fingers and toes for £50 a time! Yeah right. So the money is there.
Any advice please? It breaks my heart that this miserable b****ard can do this

  • Fiona
  • Fiona's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
09 Sep 12 #354707 by Fiona
Reply from Fiona
If your ex doesn''t offer to pay your son directly I think you would need to apply to court for clarification. "Fulltime education" is ambiguous and open to interpretation and could mean child maintenance ends either at the end of secondary school or uni.

  • Bobbinalong
  • Bobbinalong's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
09 Sep 12 #354710 by Bobbinalong
Reply from Bobbinalong
roseanne, unfortunately you cant force your ex to help your son, it is down to his morals and what he wants to do.
Its the same old story in that everyone parents differently and this becomes apparant when they split especially.
You might have the idea that your son should be helped or funded while he is at uni, his dad might not.
I have some friends whos kids are going to uni, but they have made it clear they are not lending them money, its up to them to borrow it and pay it off. Sounds unfair to me as, they both work, and by the way happily married, but thats how they view it.

The position I am in now, I wont be able to pay for my kids to go to uni, my ex might be expecting me to, but because of her, I am starting out with a mortgage at 46 yr old!

So all you can do, is support your son the best you can, the relationship between your son and his dad is up to them.

  • robinson25
  • robinson25's Avatar
  • Visitor
  • Visitor
09 Sep 12 #354724 by robinson25
Reply from robinson25
It might be worth you contacting the uni as i found they were very helpful when i found myself in the same situation. Instead of a maineanance loan my son got a student grant of 3000 for each year he was there because i was a lone parent on a low income. he doesnt have to pay it back, he also got a bursary of a 1000 the first year as his course was allocated that. worth a try.

i know what you mean tho makes me angry, why shouldnt they support their kids, its like out of sight out of mind!

  • Fiona
  • Fiona's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
09 Sep 12 #354758 by Fiona
Reply from Fiona
Bobbinalong wrote:

roseanne, unfortunately you cant force your ex to help your son, it is down to his morals and what he wants to do.

Its the same old story in that everyone parents differently and this becomes apparant when they split especially.

You might have the idea that your son should be helped or funded while he is at uni, his dad might not.

I have some friends whos kids are going to uni, but they have made it clear they are not lending them money, its up to them to borrow it and pay it off. Sounds unfair to me as, they both work, and by the way happily married, but thats how they view it.


It''s different when parents are separated. When there is a court order for maintenance for over 18s in education it can be enforced. It''s clear cut when an order stipulates CM ceases at the end of secondary education or first degree. If the order only says "full time education" it is ambiguous and would require a judicial decision to clarify the position. Also in certain circumstances it''s possible to extend an order for child maintenance. Whether the costs of going to court make it financially worthwhile is another matter.

Alternatively an over 18 in education can apply for maintenance in their own right from separated parents and currently they would be eligible for legal aid. Pretty awful though for an 18 year old to be put in the position of taking a parent to court.

  • roseanne
  • roseanne's Avatar Posted by
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
09 Sep 12 #354852 by roseanne
Reply from roseanne
Thanks for the advice.

Fiona I have checked the wording of my Consent Order and it does state until the end of ''secondary'' fulltime education. Could kick myself now for not trying to include uni funding but the court process was so stressful I did my best at the time. Have heard about kids taking parent to court themselves but can''t bring myself to suggest this to son, its such an extreme measure and would make their relationship even worse.

Thanks Robinson I will contact the uni to see if any extra help can be provided.

As Bobbin along says we will have to accept that dads view of finance differs to mine and eat beans on toast each day with good grace! Sure I will still have the odd ''grrr'' though

Thanks for your help

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11