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how do you proof its not you

  • markp
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18 Sep 07 #3584 by markp
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hi wonder if any one can give me some help. my x2b was instisting on contact with our son just on her terms, but our son held out to get them on his terms, he is 10years old, just had a letter from her sol saying she will agree to them at moment till we go to mediation but she is instistant that these are my terms and i am forcing our son into saying them. even though he has spoken to her on the phone without me present and still instisted that she listen to him.
Just wondering if any one has any suggestions as to how i could proof to her and solicitors and maybe court that it is our son who wishes are been heard and not mine.

thanks markp

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18 Sep 07 #3592 by Sera
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In my divorce of 1999, I went to mediation re: our then 10yr-old son. The mediators offered to see him seperately, and sent a very friendly letter to him personally. Back then, they had 'age appropriate' paper even! (His was decorated with comic footballs).

A custody case went to court, and our son was seen seperately by a social worker. No worries, he will be heard! I think they are adept and skilled at seeing if the kids talking parrot fashion.

Also, in court, (my husband wanted a custody / residence order): I told the judge that I valued and respected my ex-husbands role as his father, and wished he'd value and respect the importance of my role as his mother.

His case turned against him, the judge asked me if I'd like a custody order in MY favour? I told the judge, "No", and she issued joint-custody, which suited me.

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18 Sep 07 #3597 by markp
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my wife has made it clear she does not custody just contact. but she only seems to contact him if solicitors letters have been sent otherwise she doesnt bother, and she lets him down alot to, but makes up lies to cover and he always finds her out.

  • wscowell
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19 Sep 07 #3616 by wscowell
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Dear Mark,

Fear not! It's not for you to prove that you are *not* influencing your son, it is for your ex to prove her view that it *is* you.

The Children Act says "the child's needs are paramount". There is a "welfare checklist" in s1(3) of the act which the Court *must* bear in mind.

One of the factors is "the ascertainable wishes and feelings of the child, bearing in mind his age, intelligence, maturity" etc. So the Court has a duty to ensure they know what he wants and if possible why.

I think you have no need to worry. Truth will out.

Will C

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19 Sep 07 #3617 by wscowell
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Oh and obviously, if it never gets to Court, you have nothing to fear anyway. You are not required to agree anything in mediation if you genuinely believe it's not what your son wants. She is batting on a very iffy wicket and the bases are loaded in your favour, to mix sporting metaphors!

Will C

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19 Sep 07 #3660 by markp
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thanks Will C,
i was under the impression that i had to proof it was my son's wishes and that i was not influencing him due to the letters i am receiving from her solicitor. I know when i'm due a letter as my x2b texts me asking if we can be friendlyand nice to each other, just prior to me recieving the letters full of lies and demands and threats.
thanks again

Markp

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19 Sep 07 #3665 by Fiona
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