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  • bigmick
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02 Oct 12 #358843 by bigmick
Topic started by bigmick
How many others have been caught out his way?

Two daughters 15 and 18 at school and now eldest at uni.

Consent Order signed March 2011 agreeing huge amounts of spousal maintnenace for life and an agreement to pay as recommended CSA levels for the two children. I have never failed to pay the correct amounts.

CSA reduced amount in September as eldest daughter left school. Eldest duaghter has been estranged from me for two years even though I have tried my very best to build a relationshiop with her - I was not allowed to know what A levels she took, her reults and her Uni decidions.

I only discovered she got a place at Uni through Facebook!! which she has blocked me from.

Other daughter comes and stays every other weekend and seems very happy to do so - perhaps to get away from a heavy drinker of a mother.

Within days of CSA payment going down received letter from ex''s solicitors saying they wanted it reinstated as ex had planned to use it to support eldest at Uni - there has been no previous request or doscussion about supporting her through Uni - as I said I was was excluded from any discussion over her future eductation.

Children Act 1989, Sch 1 para 2 apparently permits eldest daughter to pursue parents for periodical and lump sums to assist her in her tertiary education. Obviously ex will claim she is already supporting her and it is only my contribution that is missing.

At this time also I have given up my flat and decided to move in with my partner following very careful budgeting exercise which through combining our income and expenditure and a further reduction in CSA money from next month (as she has children of her own) we could just, and I mean just with cutting righht back, do it and move on a little bit.

CSA payemnts from my partner''s ex are unreliable, infrequent and inadequate - he is self employed.....and that is money for her children which we cannot rely on.

This latest claim has thrown our budget out of the window with no money to pay solicitors and case history to suggest I don''t have a leg to stand on. The courts apparently will decide what I can afford and would expect me to juggle my finances (including the use of credit) to support my daughter. I guess if it goes to court I will have to represent myself...scary!

Of course had she or her mother discussed this with me earlier and there was a relationship there we could perhaps had made provision at a much earlier time to help her - now it is apparent that she only wants me for my money which is sad.

I am happy to complete a form E just as my daughter and ex will need to do as well but as I discovered with my divorce that really does not illustrate truely income and expenditure and leads to just further protracted examinations and arguements between both parties.

I have yesterday made an offer of what I can genuinely afford after a further trimming of our joint budget, but it is only two thirds of what they are after and with the CSA payment due to go down again next month they will no doubt then be chasing for that to be reinstated too.

Any thoughts, advice, experiences people.....would be greatly appreciated.

Will my pain ever end.....

  • bigmick
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02 Oct 12 #358846 by bigmick
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Please note this is not my ex that will be taking me to court - it is my daughter in her own right as an adult - and is likely to get legal aid to assist her with it.

  • WYSPECIAL
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02 Oct 12 #358850 by WYSPECIAL
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CSA can''t be involved as your 18 year old does not fall within their remit.

As you are paying spousal maintenance for life I assume you are a very high earner, wealthy, or there is some other factor such as disability.

You need to post more details of income etc for someone to give an idea if your daughter would be successful in claiming that you should support her.

  • somuch2know2
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02 Oct 12 #358854 by somuch2know2
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First of all, can I just say, that really sucks.

I think she would have to prove you have surplus. Buy a house or something NOW, so that that your outgoings are hight (that was the advice as guy at work told me months ago).

Im sorry you are going through this. I wonder who planted this lovely idea in her head to essentially sue her own father.

  • spooky
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02 Oct 12 #358864 by spooky
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If you and your ex wife had stayed together I presume the expectation would be that you would have both supported both your daughters through university education.

A very wise Judge said this to me when my ex was court ordered to continue paying maintenance for our 4 girls through a first degree.

Do you intend to support the youngest daughter who you have contact with?

My humble advice is to try and take the emotion out of the situation.you seem to be angry with your ex and your eldest daughter and with respect the choices you have made with your new relationship are yours alone.

Do you want your daughters to go to University? Surely they have a better chance of employment and financial independence if they are graduates.

  • julie321
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02 Oct 12 #358867 by julie321
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I agree with spooky, your daughter needs suppo
rt through university. Although my stbx and I have no contact and both my children refuse to meet his new partner he supports both of them. You can pay direct to your daughter not to your ex.

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02 Oct 12 #358870 by somuch2know2
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She may need support but the very way she is going about it, is rubbish.

She doesnt have contact with her father- her choice, has NOT asked him to help, but instead decides she is entitled to it.

Personally, i hope the judge rules in his favour and she has to work to support herself. Perhaps it will make her appreciate all the support he has to date given her and become a bit less aggressive in her ways.

It shouldnt be assumed that parents will help their children through uni. This should be the parent''s choice.

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